more thinspo, to get me back on track

printtastic

last day of the Boston Print Fair today, from 1-5.

A. scored a gorgeous map yesterday for $50, so I think I'm heading over...

david burke, part two

I am having a MUCH less pleasurable experience with these DB flavor sprays. I'm sort of jealous of yours! Okay, TOTALLY jealous! It underscores the importance of carefully selecting the flavors, I guess.

Cheddar Cheese
Basically, it just doesn't taste like cheddar. It tastes like a slice of Lite American cheese (v. artificial), which I'd much rather have. Also, incredibly salty. (Note: I still am going to attempt it on steamed vegetables.)

Smoked Bacon.
...Though not as salty as Smoked Bacon, which is essentially salt in a spray form. The bacon flavor is also really artificial, nothing real-seeming about it... Again, I'd rather have, say, turkey bacon, 1000x over.

Chocolate Fudge.
This is the only one I could see myself using, and not because it's that wonderful, just because I feel stupid for spending $25 on these. It ALSO have an artificial, not-really-rich taste, but I liked it well enough on cool whip. (Let me know what else you use Birthday Cake on!)

Quel disappointment.

make me up

Driven by neessity (Bausch&Lomb debacle necessitated the throwing out of everything I own that may have potentially come into contact with the dreaded fungus among us) and inspired by how gorgeous Charlabeet's make-up looks (and, moreover, how not like make-up it looks!), I trekked to the Laura Mercier counter, got a make-over, spent an ungodly amount of money, and now feel bee-yoo-tiful.

I bought basically a full-face of make-up (tinted moisturizer, translucent powder, concealer, 3 eyeshadows, eye base, eyeliner, bronzer, blush), tools (bronzer, blush, 2 eyeshadow, puff), and face-stuff (some weird cleansing oil that i actually love) moisturizing water which is also bizarre and which i also loev), and moisturizer. And then she loaded me down with samples like a pack mule and I limped out the door.

Totally indulgent. Totally needed it. (Speaking of indulging in my every desire, I've been eating B&J Chunky Monkey- I mean, hello, doesn't the name say it all?- and tacos like it's my godgiven right. Must turn my healthy-switch on!)

hips don't lie

so, watching Shakira on MTV this a.m. while at the gym and again on the Today Show (where, PS, she looked awful), I realized that while I don't really think she has an amazing body (definitely not a body I'd want), she is absolutely gorgeous and so, SO sexy. I saw an interview with her once where she said that she took up bellydancing to ease her shyness and gain confidence...

I just ordered a bellydancing DVD, Carmen Electra's Fit to Strip, and Yoga Booty Ballet. We shall see.

guess who

funniest paragraph to ever appear in the nytimes

Imagining her lithe figure as a permanent vaccine against all manner of domestic maladies, Sara barely reacts at all when Brad announces in couples therapy, after the baby is born, that he is considering leaving her. She smiles, assuming that he couldn't possibly mean it. Such misfortunes surely just befall the stout.

(and yes, the show sounds like a must-see).

going out is too much effort

In re: Grup article, I thought this one was really relevant too. First line: "Are New Yorkers giving up?" (Please note, I do consider myself a New Yorker even though I do not live there. Let's move on.) (ALSO I SO do not understand how the play-format fits into the last EIGHT pages of the article because I got so bored that I skimmed it entirely, but I therefore give it an A+, much like your paper.)

http://www.observer.com/20060501/20060501_Sara_Vilkomerson_pageone_newyorkworld.asp/

Cut to a recent Friday night. The forecast had called for chilly temperatures and rain, but it turned into the kind of spring evening that carries a strong whiff of possibility. It was 7:30 p.m. and still light out in the West Village as people spilled onto sidewalks for drinks al fresco along Seventh Avenue. Couples strolled hand in hand. A gaggle of girls in matching crocheted tops hailed taxis with purpose; illuminated above them in a bare window, a young woman dashed around her apartment applying lipstick, clad only in a glittery silver top and underwear. But inside Gourmet Garage, another New York story was unfolding: Shoppers kept their heads down, their iPods firmly implanted, as they loaded red plastic baskets. A pretty blonde with a blue Mark Jacobs handbag slung over one shoulder paused over the individual dinner selections, opting for pre-prepared sushi. “It’s such a hassle to go out on weekend nights,” she shrugged. “All the restaurants and bars are packed. I usually just pick up food or order in.”

(Yes, I know it's sacrilegious, and it's MarC Jacobs but, as they say, [sic]) But seriously, who hasn't felt that way, that it's just too much effort to pull yourself together and actually run into people? The "inability to rally," as we call it.

Love when they reference the Seinfeld sweatpants-wearing:

Remember the classic episode when George takes to constantly wearing sweat pants? Jerry chides him: “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweat pants? You’re telling the world: ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”

Did you know K & I wore exclusively sweatpants for much of senior fall? It was part of the "otherwise we will be committed for weighing so little" phase, slash "we can wear this directly on and off the treadmill and run for an extra 5 minutes for not having to change our clothes" and it was DEFINITELY a "I Give Up" moment.

if you're breaking your diet, do it for a good cause

All kidding aside though, Dining for Darfur is going on this Sunday, April 30, mostly at New York restaurants, all of whom have pledged to donate 5% of the gross sales to SaveDarfur.

response 2 to "the road not taken"

I know I'm getting totally hokey with all these quotes, but whatever. In the vein of terrible romantic comedies that I just can't get enough of (for the record, my dad is WAY worse in this respect than me! I feel like I at least have SOME sense of discrimination, but he LOVES drivel like While You Were Sleeping & To Gillian On Her 37th Bday. Apparently he has a thing for Peter Gallagher!), from You've Got Mail:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?

So I've been trying to do the whole "do one thing every day that scares you." Yesterday I left my phone number for a waiter! SO unlike me. Today I'm thinking of registering for the SF Nike Marathon (okay, okay, insert Just Do It joke here).

response 1 to "the path not travelled"

I was starting to get stressed about a) not having responded yet and b) having to write down my MULTITUDE of thoughts on the subject so I've decided to divide it up into separate posts.

Remember in high school, how we were convinced that there should be a book called "1000 Things You Should Do Before You Die" and we went to look for it at Borders more than once? Besides the fact that we should WRITE that book (although we now have some competition, see above), I was reading in Glamour that everyone should have a list of things they want to do/try/accomplish in their lifetime, AND that 43 is a reasonable number to achieve. I took a class once, on Composing A Life After College, and we had to write a final paper; I structured mine as a list of 10 things I want to do before I die... now I have to go find that paper, since I can only remember a few of them!

Things on my list (to be added to. Hey, I need 43!):
- Have babies.
- Cook the cover recipe of Gourmet magazine every month for a full year.
- Run a marathon.
- Live abroad.
- Have a book published.

Part of the reason that I loved the ExBoy so much, and loved my imaginings of our future life together, is that he pushed and challenged me to do things that I would never otherwise do. Would I live abroad in a third-world country without him? Never. Wouldn't even contemplate it. But I loved thinking about doing it with him in a few years, it felt do-able and like something I could almost convince myself into wanting. (And hey, then I could write a memoir of it and get it published upon our return to the States, thereby killing two birds with one stone.) It was smaller things, too. I'm not an outdoorsy girl, but on one of our earliest dates, we went sledding down steep-ass hills. He made me so comfortable and sure of him that he was able to bring me out of my comfort zone without having it be something scary. Or at least, not too scary.

Because I need scarier things in my life, I know. I know I'm incredibly risk-averse, as it sounds like you are too. Besides the occasional shootout in Newro, I think we both have charted our lives on fairly certain courses, on very traditional paths (succeed in school, graduate school, good job, marriage, kids, suburbs). I KNOW that I need to challenge myself more, to push MYSELF out of my comfort zone (without the ExBoy doing it for me), but it's scary to do it alone.

That's all for now... and a quote that I have been just love-love-LOVING lately:
"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very, very long time." (Andre Gide.. French, so the translation may be a little off.)

poem o' the day

so, in case you didn't know, April is National Poetry Month. (I go to school with lots of artsy poetry-lovers. Poem-podcasts abound, as do impromptu reading of poetry when one is supposed to give a formalized presentation.)

I subscribed to "Poem A Day" (from poets.org), and I thought I'd share today's since I'm having such a post-a-palooza today anyway (so much to say, apparently!):

The Primer
by Christina Davis

She said, I love you.

He said, Nothing.


(As if there were just one
of each word and the one
who used it, used it up).


In the history of language
the first obscenity was silence.

the one man (besides george clooney) that my mom and i share a crush on

when we met him (note: i wore a beret), both our knees buckled.

7 new(ish) discoveries that make me happy

1. ray ban aviators with colored-rims. now i have to decide whether to get red or white.

2. berries. so underrated! yes, they're high in sugar, but SUCH bang for your caloric buck. lately have been loving strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, blackberries.

3. re-discovery: waffles for breakfast. i have a eggo multigrain (70) with 1 tsp of butter (33), which is just enough to cover every nook&cranny, and it's v. filling. you mentioned a 60-calorie waffle in your maple syrup post? what brand is it?

4. at-home hair glazes! i've tried the john frieda hair glaze (lovely, added SUBTLE color and some shine) and just tried the oscar blandi luce glaze for the first time this morning (softer.. and shiner..). even if the effects are all psychological, i love them anyway.

5. neutrogena moistureshine lip soother cooling hydragel (minty flavor), with spf 20, in GREAT colors. shiny but not sticky.

6. sage roll-on perfume oil. perfect size for your purse (even a small lv pochette), adorable packaging, doesn't smell like what everyone else is wearing. i bought one in pearl, my mom bought onyx.


7. re-discovery: sex and the city season five. love carrie's hair.

reason 3847384738 we should write a book

we wouldn't plagiarize.

unlike THIS GIRL:

http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=512948
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/04/24/D8H6LMKOI.html

have you been following this story? She was all over the Today show/ Good Morning America/ etc about a month ago, and I remember thinking at the time that she was really poised. and then I saw her in the Yard and I wished Natalie Portman still went here so I could have a real celeb sighting.

But ANYWAY. I can't believe how BLATANT her plagiarism was. i love this page, which gives all the examples:
http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=512965
and i'm sort of in disbelief at her half-ass explanation ("i must have INTERNALIZED the wording..." uh huh. right-o.)

eg:
‘YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE’

From page 6 of McCafferty’s first novel: “Sabrina was the brainy Angel. Yet another example of how every girl had to be one or the other: Pretty or smart. Guess which one I got. You’ll see where it’s gotten me.”

From page 39 of Viswanathan’s novel: “Moneypenny was the brainy female character. Yet another example of how every girl had to be one or the other: smart or pretty. I had long resigned myself to category one, and as long as it got me to Harvard, I was happy. Except, it hadn’t gotten me to Harvard. Clearly, it was time to switch to category two.”

PS: that little "link" button shows up when I use Firefox, but not when I use Safari.

bikini body

In preparation for my gym debut yesterday (first time in 3 weeks! yahoo!), I gathered a bunch of US Weekly's/Life&Style's/InTouch's that I had only flipped through and tossed them in my gym bag.

Today, I read them on the elliptical. And Nicole Richie has helped me out enormously.



This bikini body (above) is just not realistic for me, given the things that I want (i.e. to eat cheese, have babies, and have a life).



This bikini body (above), however, I feel like I can achieve a) healthfully and b) in time for this summer. It's not a HUGE stretch from how I was starting to look pre-quitting-working-out-and-eating-healthily-altogether (i.e. when I went on strike). Because really, if 22 isn't the prime of my life, then when is?

more fun emailing with mummy

>>>From: mom
>>>To: me
>>>Fwd: News from The Smoking Gun
>>>
>>>read the first story...denise richards and charlie sheen..
>>>holy moly!
>>>
>>>-----Original Message-----
>>>From: editor@thesmokinggun.com
>>>To: tsgnews
>>>Sent: Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:44:16 -0400
>>>Subject: News from The Smoking Gun
>>>
>>>Most 17-page documents we've published have had
>>>a dead spot here or there, places where the narrative
>>>drags or reads like boilerplate. And then there's the
>>>blistering court declaration filed last week by the actress
>>>Denise Richards in her divorce case against Charlie Sheen.
>>>With its allegations about drugs, gambling, death threats,
>>>sketchy web sites, and ladies of the evening, the Richards
>>>document is a stunning page-turner. So read it here:
>>>
>>>http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0421061sheen1.html


>>From: me
>>To: mom
>>
>>wow! and now denise richards is with her best frinds' ex husb, richie
>>sambora (was married to heather locklear)


>From: mom
>To: me
>
>(really bizarre is heather with david spade!)

being a backseat driver

do you ever feel like you're just watching someone you care about make huge mistakes with their life? Even worse, that they're so deep into these mistakes that they've become totally immersed in their rationalizations?

My little brother is thinking about transferring to a school in the city where his girlfriend resides. I hate this girlfriend. She is terrible to him, but he's a sweet kid and it's his first real relationship and I think he really does think he loves her. Maybe he does love her. What do I know about love?

What I DO know is that it would be a huge mistake to transfer for THIS girl. She can't even commit to Weight Watchers (hellO garlic bread!), how can she commit to my brother? Plus he could do so, so, SO much better. It physically pains me to hear him position this in terms of "so I was thinking, there's this political science prof I'd love to study with" or "it's closer to home, especially if mom & dad move into NY..."

I wonder if people look at me and think I'm only deluding myself into thinking my SO OBVIOUSLY WRONG decisions are right.

mc dreamy

I hate ABC for not playing new episodes in WEEKS, but I do love that I got to hear my favorite Grey's Anatomy monologue, yet again:

Okay… here it is. Your choice, it’s simple, her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But, Derek, I love you… in a really, really big… pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me. I’ll be at Joe’s tonight, so if you do decide to sign the papers… meet me there.

god! is there anything more poignant than the "pick me, choose me, love me" bit?! makes me cry EVERY time.

my fave ep of my super sweet 16

... was Jacqueline & Lauren's party. It may have been the first ep?

Jacqueline was adorable and preppy. Lauren was blond and fat and totally jealous, and copied Lauren's dress.

They wanted Beyonce or Aerosmith. They got some band no one has ever heard of.

And when Pauly Shore made a guest appearance, everyone was thrilled.

skinny celebrities

have you seen this site? loooove it.

really great thinspo.

the dangers of lack of caller id

the ExBoy (or, as your mom would say, "the X") just called me. Background info is that in the "purge all his belongings and lock them up in a box while listening to KC obnoxiously loudly" incident, I also deleted his phone number from my phone. Of course I still know his phone number, but in drunken moments, it's really helpful to have those extra steps in dialing, as added disincentive.

Anyway, so my phone rings, and I initially thought it was MiRa, who I LOVE talking to. So I was totally offguard by the ExBoy, especially since he apparently lost his voice so it was all scratchy and unfamiliar, and it really did take me at least 30 secs to be sure who it was!

We talked for 20 mins with not too many awkward silences, friendly buddy pals-style, and I really was doing a good job of doing the easy breezy beautiful thing, I think. I think I came across as happy.

Until he was like, "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't respond to your email! I've been really busy." Me, thinking, okay, fine, no big deal, my email was a response to his and didn't involve anything that really demanded a response, no question waiting to be answered, etc. So I said, not really thinking, "Oh, don't worry about it, I hadn't really realized that you didn't respond." He gave sort of this awkward "ho ho" laugh, and then was like, "Ouch" and I was like, "Um. I didn't really mean it like that! Oops! Sorry!" and then even though I actually DID mean that I wasn't waiting around for him to respond and hadn't realized, I WAY overdid it on the "sorry, that's not how I meant it"'s, which made me lose all easybreezybeautiful credibility and I fear I ended up sounding like a total wreck instead.

Which, let's be honest, sometimes I am.

Anyway. I don't think I should answer the phone next time. Talking to him makes me sad. I can't do it.

addicted

Kelly Clarkson will be touring this summer. Clearly, we must go. I've heard she is AMAZING in concert.

NY-area possibilities:
july 9 pnc bank, nj
july 10 darien, ct
july 12 jones beach (*fun place for concerts)
july 15 hartford
july 18 camden, nj (*I know nothing about camden except that it made an appearance in Savage Inequalities by Jonathan Kozol which therefore means it is an awful school district and i vaguely recall you making some sort of driveby in Camden, the most dangerous city in the nation?)

when your boyfriend is wearing thin...

from tomorrow's NYTimes...



This is the famous Boyfriend Shirt my mom bought me after I was unceremoniously dumped, without knowing that it had the most PERFECT title ever. So true: wonderful for sleeping in, as a minidress, over skinny jeans (incidentally, i bought Joe dark skinny wonderful jeans today. Finally found a pair that works for me.)

which reminds me, another point for NYC: getting the Sunday paper on Saturday night.

adventures on the UES

it was sort of like that episode of Sex and the City, where Carrie goes with Big to a party where no dark-colored drinks are allowed. She is dressed in bright colors & ends up going home with a waiter. Went to the engagement party of two people I don't know, as C's date. I think I was his date. It was the weirdest invitation in the history of the world. Luckily I like champagne & chardonnay (both clear).

Spent the day with my mom, looking for apts for my parents for my parents to buy. What is with 20something guys with lovely apts filled with Judaica, photos galore of said guy with his parents in a variety of locales (Caribbean, skiing, bar mitzvahs), neatly-organized/color-coded closets, and nothing in the refrigerator (I looked. bottled water and dried prunes)? Apparently, it is the M.O. among certain echelons of upwardly mobile Jewish men across the nation, regardless of profession (Note: prominently displayed diplomas seem to be part of the required decor. MBA's from Wharton & HBS, check. Med school, check. Phi Beta Kappa, check.) Animal-print pillows optional.

florida, the key lime state

when I was 7, we spent a week in Naples. I carried a notebook around with me, very Harriet the Spy, ordered Key Lime pie at every meal and rated each slice.

16 years later...

the notebook returns...

20 April 2006
Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie
yum yum yum!
Really tart & sour & creamy & lovely. In a good way.
It doesn't taste artificial, but it tastes a little bit like there's a piece of key lime rind in it, a sort of mildly bitter.
I would be thrilled if I were served this in a resto. Well, a bigger piece of it. But delicious.

shirataki noodles alfredo revisited

so that image of the jar o' walden farms alfredo sauce was taunting me. I decided to re-create my own, since no stores around here seem to carry it.

Armed with a collection of internet recipes, I got to work. And came up with the most delicious and filling recipe EVER. Truth be told I have NEVER had "real" fettucini alredo (given the choice for fatty high calorie pasta, I'll go for carbonara any day) but this is wonderful. It doesn't have any artificial taste to it at all, it's wonderfully heavy in the way you can only be happy about when it's so low cal. The best part is it is made entirely with things I already keep in the kitchen.

Et voila:
Boil 1 pkg Shirataki noodles for a couple mins (whatever your usual routine).
Add 2-3 gourmet Laughing Cow bites, microwave for 30 secs until they soften.
Smoosh the Laughing cow bites with 1 tsp low-fat sourcream.
Add 1 tbsp-ish grated parmesan (reduced-fat, s'il vous plait).
Stir, smoosh, combine.
Salt, pepper.

WONderful.

doorman strike?

"Local 32BJ is threatening a strike if the two sides do not reach a deal on a new contract by 12:01 a.m. Friday. The two sides have been holding intense on-and-off negotiating sessions since Tuesday at the Sheraton New York Hotel." (from today's NYT)

The big question is... are the doormen at the Sheraton holding the doors for the real estate industry negotiators?

God I crack myself up.

In doorman-related news:
1. Remember when my Gparents' Doorman reported back to them about me and HeWithAGirl'sName smooching under their awning? The last time I went to visit, he winked at me. Winked!
2. If the doormen go on strike, Mom & I will be unable to apartment-hunt on Friday (for them, not for me) and will be forced to go shopping instead. Go doormen go! Stick up for your rights!

the bank of mom and dad

i do it. you do it. almost everyone i know does it.

but why doesn't anyone in this article feel the least bit EMBARASSED or GUILTY about it?

"AT 23, Jason McGuinness lives a postcollege life in Manhattan that is very nearly typical. He works as a media research analyst, making about $30,000 a year. Sharing a two-bedroom apartment on the fourth floor of a walk-up building with a roommate on the Upper East Side, his portion of the rent is $1,100 monthly.

The walls are decorated with pennants and posters from Syracuse University, his alma mater. He orders takeout dinners, carries peanut-butter sandwiches to work and occasionally takes in a Mets game with friends.

And like many of his peers — educated, employed, urban-dwelling young adults — he receives monthly assistance from his parents, in the form of a $300 check and the payment of his cellphone bill.

This is not the largesse of wealthy families doled out through trust funds. Nor is the money a couple of $20 bills tucked into a card at the holidays. Mr. McGuinness and others like him are the beneficiaries of an increasingly common subsidy arriving regularly from Mom and Dad, something like a family fellowship.

It helps to pay for housing, bills and travel expenses, and the support has been increasing for the past two decades as education is extended, marriage is delayed and young people take the scenic route from adolescence to adulthood.

"Everybody I know is supporting their children in some way," said Gail Horowitz, Mr. McGuinness's mother, a vice president of the Zlokower Company, a public relations firm in Manhattan. Unlike young adults who "boomerang" back home to live with their parents — the subject of the recent comedy "Failure to Launch" — these young people live independently. But they need help to make ends meet, or put another way, to maintain a middle-class way of life.""

although, not going to lie, this sounds like something my mom would do:

"Eventually, most children outgrow the need for a stipend. But the instinct of parents to give — and of children to receive — can linger on. When John Maysles got a dog four years ago, his mother told him he couldn't leave it alone all day.

"So I pay for doggy day care," she said. "It is $16 a day. Probably he could afford it, but it has been on my credit card and I haven't changed it.""

surprise! spring cleaning

lazing about my apartment, doing some reading, reading the thursday styles, blahblahblah.

"Hi, this is Sue, we'll be at your apartment in 40 minutes."
excuse me?

Apparently my landlord (who flits about all of Italy without ever returning a phone call w/r/t my heat or lack thereof) has given permission to the broker to show my apartment whenever she wants. As far as I know, she has to at least get some sort of ok from me. I have no idea if this is even legal but I was not even awake enough to deal with it. Whatever it is, it's rude. I'm HAPPY to have you show my apartment. But give me more than 40 minutes in advance, or I'll leave it as is. Which is gross.

So I spent the past 40 minutes frantically cleaning, taking the trash out, folding clothes, scrubbing my tub, etc.

I hate life.

hair today gone tomorrow

I've decided that my past relationships can be classified according to how they preferred my hair. It says a lot about a guy.

Jolie: Straight. But it was in hs, and I wore it straight every day. He didn't know any better, I don't think. *Amended: Staight but it flipped up at the ends, sort of unintentionally, like 1950's Nancy Drew.
W with a Girl's Name: Straight (fits in better at the country club. And could I dye it blond, too, by the way?)
Two First Names: Straight. But his favorite meal was ham&cheese&mayo on white bread with no crusts. What can you expect?
Manorexic C: Straight. Uncomplicated. Like our relationship.
C of Pro/Con Infamy: Either/or. He liked running his hands through it when straight. But we had better sex when it was curly.
ExBoy: Curly crazy. I feel like he loved me most as me.

ps name that place

skinny jeans

i want to like them. i really do.

and i think i am a skinny girl. despite my lack of gymming in three weeks and eating whateverthefuckiwant which admittedly is really really awful, i weigh exactly the same that i usually do. well, one pound more. (sidenote is that it's just one MEASLY pound difference! it's so frustrating!) but let's be real here. if i can't wear skinny jeans, who can?!

but i even think people on shopbop look ridiculous & fat in them.

they are just. not. flattering.

do as i say, not as i derby-do

it's official. we are planning a Kentucky Derby Party in my apartment:








And we're off!

Come celebrate the most exciting two minutes in sports, attired in your Derby finest (optional, but fun)!

Bright colors, big hats, little ponies, popped collars, pretty pastels, perfect pinks. Forget Memorial Day, summer starts now.

We'll have mint juleps galore and $2 horse betting, of course.

top ten lists

"Ms. Bare had such a wonderful time, she promptly scrapped a half-serious plan to date 10 men before getting into another serious relationship (Mr. Cohen was No. 6)."

this sort of makes sense to me, simply in terms of probability.

off to date 10 men before getting into another serious relationship!

(now, where do i find them?)

things currently en route to me via fed ex

1. flavor sprays! in cheddar cheese, chocolate fudge, and smoked bacon flavors.

2. ipod for my dad's birthday with "rodent" engraved on it. speakers, too.

3. cute anthropologie sweatshirt sweater wrap that i will wear constantly, i'm sure of it.

4. digital food scale and white bucket/vase from target.

selected p/c's from the ccc

pros:
Cute
Big room
Big bed
Blue eyes
Great body/ athletic
Makes me laugh/ funny
Pillow sharer
Spooning/ good cuddler
Intelligent
Likes Gwyneth
Doesn’t hold grudges
Perfect height
“Package too large for box”
Great on paper
Jewish
Not cheesy
Likes my stomach
Comfortable with him
Told his mom about me
Confident/ not insecure

cons:
Cuter than me?
Terrible communication
No commitment
Always wants to hang out with his friends, never mine
Secretive re: family, past. FBI agent?
Wouldn’t lend me sweatpants
Don’t know if he really likes me
Didn’t come to my birthday party
No Xmas present
Doesn’t discuss emotions
Potentially Alcoholic
Doesn’t want to talk about it when he’s mad
“Package too large for box”
Has lost the ability to converse (possibly related to sex?)

in the grand tradition of pro/con lists...

... i'm going to start a Boston vs New York list.

(ps do you still have my CCC pro/con list? send it on over!)

New York:
pros:
tasti d-lite
family
beet
yankees
boys with whom i could potentially rekindle relationships
ultimately will end up in ny, build professional relationships

cons:
would probably have to live alone/ higher rent

pro slash con:
would be closer in proximity to ExBoy

Boston:
pros:
would have a roommate
waspyish boys (my "type")
would have a car
city that i wouldn't otherwise live in
at this point, more job offers in boston (but also have concentrated my job search here)

cons:
red sox
all my friends here are in serious relationships
will have to move again in a couple of years (ie back to ny)


to be continued!

flava flaaaaaav

this sounds simultaneously SO gross and SO appealing.

"The David Burke Flavor Sprays™ contain zero calories, zero fat, zero cholesterol, zero carbohydrates and FDA-approved Food flavoring. Whether you are on a low carb, no carb, low fat, no fat, no sugar, point system, or counting calorie diet, the Flavor Spray is right for you!

How the Flavor Sprays work....
By eliminating your toppings, gravies, dressings, and sauces the flavor spray provides the flavor that most diets are missing. No longer when you diet will you crave the sweet taste, or yearn for flavor when you count calories. Just spray our flavor spray and you will no longer need to satisfy your craving for flavor. Follow a low carb meal regimen, and allow flavor spray to add the toppings and sauce to your meal."

there are MILLIONS of flavors:
Parmesan Cheese Spray
Buttery Spray
Pesto Spray
Tomato Basil Spray
Smoked Bacon Spray
Carmalized Onion
Ketchup
Popcorn Butter
Bleu Cheese Spray
Cheddar Cheese Spray
Hot and Sour Spray
Ice Blue Salt Spray
Memphis BBQ Spray
Pepper City Spray
Teriyaki Spray
Banana Split Spray
Birthday Cake Spray
Chocolate Fudge Spray
Cookies & Cream Spray
Marshmallow Spray
Mochaccino Spray
Raspberry Bubblegum Spray
Root Beer Float Spray
Strawberry Shortcake Spray
Cheesecake Spray
Apple Pie Spray
Raspberry Chocolate Truffle
Coconut Spray
Fruits
Mango
Pineapple
Kiwi
Blueberry

and check out the RECIPES/sample menus! you can spray some cool whip with chocolate spray and have chocolate fudge! you can spray your eggs with bacon and have a full breakfast! spray pesto on veggies! spray ranch dressing on your salad!

i think i might actually order a few... is that insane? which flavors should i get? SO overwhelming.

snack pak strikes back

as per our earlier conversation re: petitioning Edy's to make portion-controlled, "snack pak"-ish version of their Slow Churned ice cream (both to allow for maximum flavor tasting and for those of us with appalling self control), I thought I'd share my favorite portion-controlled snack packs.

Just tried the Ritz Chips 100 calorie pack, which was GREAT. Love!
Also love the Ritz Snack mix. Delish.
The Cheese Nips are also pretty good.
Wheat Thins are decent.
(Not technically a 100-calorie Nabisco Packs, but Jet-Puffed Marshmallows come in 90-calorie packs which are fab.)

I HATE the cookie 100-cal snack packs (Chips Ahoy, Oreo). They're awful.

More email from Mummy

From: Mum
Date: Apr 17, 2006 8:16 PM
Subject: Re: tom cruise...

just watched tom and his blackberry.
katie holmes is brain washed.
very scary.

angeilna is the scariest to me!
naimbia???

reason #49853490853985 highschoolers should not be allowed on thefacebook

i just accidentally ran into some very PROVOCATIVE, very GIRLS GONE WILD, very OHMYGOD I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE AN INFANT photos of my 14-year old cousin.

KIDS THESE DAYS! jeez.

the bell jar

Last week, the exBoy called me to wish me a happy un-anniversary. I know it sounds heartless. Really I don't think it was intended as such, more just to recognize that on a certain day every month for the past 2 and a half years, we have talked to eachother & commemorated the occasion, and we were of course still thinking of one another even though we were no longer together. But it did have sort of a sad, slightly insensitive feel to it. He called while I was out with my girlfriends getting drinks.

I came back to the table feeling a bit down (okay, eyes noticeably watering).

"What's wrong?" they ask.

Me: "He just called.. to wish me a happy un-anniversary!"

Them, in unison: "What?!" "Are you serious?!" "Why?!" (I love my friends.)

"I need another cocktail" I whimper.

"Waitress! Get this girl another extra dirty martini with extra blue-cheese stuffed olives! It's an emergency." (S, of course.)

As the bartender is shaking the cocktail from behind the bar, my loopy hippy dippy friend D, clad entirely in leopard print (no lie) and jewelry the size of, roughly, a watermelon asks me what ExBoy's sign is.

"Leo," I say.

"WHAT?!" she cries out in horror. "But... but you're a Scorpio!"

"Yeah, so?" The cocktail has arrived. I take a salty sip. Perfect.

"Those are the two worst matched signs in the entire zodiac!" she screeches. "That's why SYLVIA PLATH KILLED HERSELF. Do you hear me? She stuck her head in the OVEN because Ted Hughes was a Leo and she was a Scorpio."

I munch on a blue-cheese stuffed olive, contemplating. "I don't know if I believe in all that, though."

"Listen. Scorpio women nurture, and Leo men want to be in the spotlight. They suck up all the Scorpio's nurturing energy and they don't appreciate her! They take her for granted!" She's picking up steam here. "Listen to the Scorpio-woman/ Leo-man couples. Arnold Schwarzennager and Maria Shriver! Ted Hughes and Sylvia Plath! And... and... Bill and Hillary Clinton! It's lucky you got out when you did! Now, who you really should be dating is a Capricorn or a Cancer!"

For the rest of the night, whenever I wanted to drunkenly call him, the girls reminded me that I didn't want to end up like Sylvia Plath, now did I?

neighborly love

dear upstairs-neighbors in 216,

from the sounds of it, you have decided to open an all-night bowling alley in your apartment. i wonder if this is legal?

in addition, it appears that business is booming in your all-night tap dance class. (why else would people be stomping and clomping in high heels? there is also the potential that you are obese and thus make very loud thuds every time you take a step. but there are definitely high heels involved.)

furthermore, while i appreciate both the pleasure you are so clearly taking in your sex life and your obvious devotion to a higher power (as in "ohmygod ohmygod ohmyGOD OHMYGOD I'M COOOOOOOMMING OHMYGOD!"), perhaps you could keep this devotion & pleasure to yourself just a bit more?

love always,
your downstairs-neighbor

older people emailing

From: my grandparents
Date: Apr 16, 2006 11:27 PM

we missed you and love you and we are going to see the METs tomorrow night
thanks to your dad. kisses

_________________________________________________________________
From: my grandparents
Date: Apr 16, 2006 11:31 PM

love you and we are going to see the METs tomorrow night thanks to your dad.
Missed you at Seder.

attempts at conversion

1. as per a convo with K (details to come), I resolved that in order to meet a new boy, I should be friendly to anyone even remotely attractive, even if they're not my type per se. After a quick pedicure yesterday (Bordeaux), I saw two twentysomething guys approaching. I have a thing for guys in suits, so I smiled at them as we passed one another.

"Excuse me?" I heard one say.

"Yes?" I batted my eyelashes. In between batting, I noticed that their suits were not exactly stylish looking. Regardless. I smiled.

"We're missionaries from the Church of Christ," one began.

"Um. Sorry! Not interested!" and off I went. Because really, what's the point of dating someone if there's not even the *chance* of premarital sex?


2. For the past month or so, I've been getting emails from Liberty University (click on the dots for more info, but basically it's the school that Jerry Falwell started). I've requested twice to be removed from their mailing list, but apparently to no avail. (Please note that her initial email was sent in size 36-font, bright blue.)

>Happy Easter
>
> from the
>
> Liberty University family!
>
>
>
> May Your family have a very blessed Easter as we celebrate the Life of
> our Risen Lord!

Take me off your mailing list. I have already requested this twice.

> We just received a $250 deposit from you towards your account on April
> 1st.
>
> I can decline your application but in order to receive the $250 deposit
> request we need written documentation stating that you've made other
> plans besides Liberty University and that you are requesting your
> deposit back.
>
> Have a blessed Easter.
>
> Thanks!

Absolutely not. There was no deposit made on my account.

Consider this your written documentation.

P.S. I'm Jewish.

>I greatly apologize. If you are located in Oxford, MD, please contact
>me regarding your account, if not, please disregard this email.
>
>I have already put a stop on your email account.
>
>All can be saved, even those who have not yet accepted Jesus Chris our savior. Thanks

recent emails from my mom

because i agree with charlabeet, there is nothing funnier than old people emailing.

for the record, my mother goes to sleep at 9:30 every night, and then wakes up in the middle of the night to eat leftovers. she says her "tapeworm" makes her do it. (no, she does not take ambien.)


From: my mom
Date: Apr 13, 2006 12:08 AM
Subject: Re: NYTimes.com: Ban on Most Caviar Extended Indefinitely

this is a very, very sad situation....
____________________________________________________________

From: my mom
Date: Apr 6, 2006 4:40 AM
Subject: tape strikes again...i may need to get violent!

tape is getting to be a big pain in the ass!
i think tape and [dog] are in this together.
i miss you guys!
any advice?
btw..tape polished off meatball parm AND minestrone soup!
xox
____________________________________________________________

From: mom
Date: Apr 6, 2006 11:37 PM
Subject: Re: tape strikes again...i may need to get violent!

ok...i'm going to sleep now...keeping tape up late so he/ she/ it/
doesn't wake me up in middle of the night.
plus there isn't any thing great to eat in the fridge!

(that doesn't stop tape though)
love you guys tons!
xox
____________________________________________________________

From: mom
Date: Apr 5, 2006 1:19 AM
Subject: hi from tape
hi guys and girls

tape sends his love...
all our love
xox
mom & tape
____________________________________________________________

From: mom
Date: Mar 13, 2006 4:37 AM
Subject: xox

i love you friend!

xox
tape
____________________________________________________________

From: mom
Date: Mar 10, 2006 5:03 AM
Subject: tape

dear [tarabeet]
has your human made you pasta with truffle oil yet?
she should!

xox
t.w.
____________________________________________________________

From: mom
Date: Feb 5, 2006 10:57 PM
Subject: Re: t.w now has questions (in middle of the night no less)

dear [tarabeet]

i'm hoping not to disturb your mom tonight
(and plus she's in a really bad mood)

just asking, you have no new gossip on cheryl & lance?
your mom says that they are a bore.

xox
t.w

testing, testing

1, 2, 3

(apparently if you click on the little dots, it will send you to a link?)

speaking of veganism

or, at least, speaking of healthiness taken to an extreme.
(vegan: vegetarian :: marathon: running)

inspired by boston marathon madness (it's tomorrow), i'm thinking of registering for the nike marathon in san francisco in october.

1. i love san francisco. it would be an excuse to go there. perhaps pk could cheer me on?
2. i've always wanted to run a marathon. what better time than now?
3. you get a cadeau from tiffany for completion.
4. it would force me to really push myself in my workouts.

so, what do you think? should i do it? would you fly out to watch me run?

ashes to diamonds, dust to cartier

SO DISGUSTING.

http://www.lifegem.com/

easter sunday

i'm sitting at a cafe, drinking coffee, reading the sunday times and gourmet magazine...

the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, i even have a wireless connection picked up from some kind soul in the apartment next door. church music is playing in the background, and people are walking by in their "easter sunday best": great hats, poofy floral skirts. i remember, once upon a time, stressing about attending the ex boy's easter services, but it feels so far in the past that i'm removed from it, not upset by it, like it happened to someone else. it's lovely. a perfect morning.

until the homeless man crosses the street and pees on the building no less than 2 feet away from me.

i am SO going back to my apartment.

j(ew) crew

I thought there was nothing more Jewish than bagels with lox on Sunday morning. (Sidenote, this was never more glaring to me than when I went from my family's breakfast- see previous sentence- to the ex-boyfriend's house for brunch: omelettes, bacon. "What did you eat for breakfast?" he asked me. "Lox," I replied. "What's that?," they queried.)

I was wrong.

I just made myself lox on matzah.

(Also, instead of cream cheese, because I can't STAND lite cream cheese and its aftertaste, I used the Laughing Cow lite cheese cubes which are basically my new best friends. 7 calories per cube. Wondrous.)

beet is the new black

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/13/fashion/thursdaystyles/13nicknames.html?pagewanted=1&8dpc&_r=1

nyt article on nicknames in the information age...

(did I just successfully post a link?!)

So let us revisit the dawning of Beet... the Birth of Beet...

um. how did it happen again?

simple pleasures

If you know me, you know I'm not exactly spontaneous.

I dillydallied for four years in college in MA, away from Yankee games on television. Was it worth it to invest in MLB video, so I could watch the games online? 79.95 for the season seemed prohibitive. Would I watch? I went back and forth, back and forth. I caught a couple games on ESPN, but I was home for most of the season anyway. And I sort of forgot about it...

But today was the Yankee home opener, and I'll be damned if I was going to miss it. Of course, you could watch the Red Sox on 3 different channels here, but the Yankees were nowhere to be found. Now that I'm faced with potentially being in an enemy state (i.e. the Red Sox Nation) for the next year, I decided I just needed to get over it. Grabbed the credit card. Bought a season's subscription to MLB radio online, to hear the (nasal) voice of Suzyn Waldman and the (reassuringly wonderful) voice of John Sterling. Never have I felt so pleased to hear Suzyn make herself sound utterly devoid of any baseball knowledge. Never have I more appreciated John's "Der-ek Jeet-er" chant upon his 3-run homer.

And it got me thinking of simple pleasures. Listening to the Yankees on the radio reminds me of summer, sand, peanut shells. My brother. My dad. My grandpa. The pond. The beach.

My friend L buys herself a bouquet of flowers and a big fat, ice cream cone every Friday afternoon. It's her reward to herself for getting through the week. And she says this little ritual makes her incredibly happy.

I think I need to make myself happier more often, instead of waiting for other people to do it for me. Even if that does sound pretty hokey...

thoughts on these shoes?

My mom apparently bought them for me as a GetWellSoonPresent.

I guess I'll have to wait & see to decide if I like them.

They could be cool with baggy short shorts & a boy-ish oxford,

unbuttoned to show some cleavage...

with a glass of crisp white chardonnay...

and a dark red pedicure...

on an early summer night...

What do you think?

Confucious Say: Practice Your Sasame

Next week, I will have to remember to:

-wear boycut underwear
-hold off on cocktails until I've grabbed enough jeans
-bring my own pocket mirror...
-... and an honest friend
-wear easy-on-easy-off shoes (ballet flats), pants (loose fit jeans), minimal jewelry
-take no prisoners

sketchy text message guy

So I have been getting text messages from some random 732 number. (I googled it. It's a verizon number from New Jersey. I know no one from New Jersey)

It's especially bizarre because I never give out my real number to guys.

Last Friday, we had this exchange:

732: hey goin out to pink elephant for my bday this weekend, should i put u on guest list?
Me: Who is this?
732: ray we met a while ago, bring your friends
[I know no Ray.]
Me: I think you have the wrong number, happy bday
732: no, we must have met at guest house
[Note, I've never been to Guest House]
Me: I think you have the wrong girl. What name is my number saved as on your phone?
732: [Insert correct name]
[so freaked out]
Me: happy bday, thanks anyway

I turn my phone off, go to class... and when I get out of class, he has left me a message. "Hey this is Ray, I thought maybe if you heard my voice you'd remember me. [You thought wrong, Buddy.] Join us at the Pink Elephant, it'll be fun. Let me know how many people to put on the list!"

I (obviously) did not call back.

Then last night I get ANOTHER text message from him.
732: hey want to go to butter tonight?

So I am a bit intrigued by this boy who goes to all sorts of clubs that I would like to try... but I am SO sketched that he would even have my number and be SO crazy persistent.

kosher dieting

Not sure what at what age I will cease to qualify for the Temple College Outreach snack pack, but I was pleased to receive this year's installment:

Manischewitz kosher for Passover milk chocolate lollipops, at only about 45 calories each.

This beats the blow-up Matzah Beach Ball.

from the mixed up files of mrs basil e frankenthinspo

since some people have come to our site by googling "thinspo," I decided to fulfill their every desire. Just kidding. But I will post a few of my personal faves... Enjoy!

our next project: the book

The Beet Book:

a bit Daily Candy A to Z (as seen on today's Today show)

a bit Stephanie Klein/Opinionistas/BelleduJour/JolieNYC/Washingtonienne/insert bloggerwithabookdeal here

a bit Kate Spade Manners/Elegance/Occasions

a bit Everyday Lilly (did I mention I'm throwing a Derby-Do? One mint julep, coming right up!)

a bit He's Just Not That Into You

a bit Cooking Light

a bit 10 Poems That Will Save Your Life

a bit The Quest for the Pewhishi & other fashion must-haves

a bit How To Master Sa(mple)Sa(le)Me(ntality)

and other assorted bits to come...

rumblings from the quarantined

I feel like I'm quarantined with ebola in that movie Outbreak. Things are oozing left and right, and though there are no monkeys, "It's Airborne." Hmm. I wish I owned that movie... not that I can see anything, anyway.

Received a bizarre Facebook-message today, from Architect's friend who I have never met or even heard of.

I feel like I should start carrying Mace (Mase?) around with me...

"Hey, I'm [Architect's] roomate. Sorry I havent
gotten to meet you at all yet! hope the mfa was
fun this week and there werent too many scary
older men...

see you around, come visit us.."

pink it's not even a question

8:00: Wake up.
8:05: Go to the mirror. Pry eye open. Wipe away disgustingness.
8:05-8:10: Cry.
8:10: Read blog. Read Dr Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen's diagnosis.
8:11: Google "pink eye."
8:12: Pull on Uggs & sunglasses and go to Urgent Care Health Services.
8:12-8:20: Waiting room.
8:21: "Hello, I'm Doctor Brown. Wow. That is quite a case of conjuctivitis!"

Thank you, Beet. For the record, yesterday I spoke with 1 Medical Student-To-Be, 1 Doctor Currently In His Residency, and 1 Full-Fledged Doctor. Not one diagnosed me with pink eye. Charlabeet did.

I want to die. Of course, this would be the week that I would get diagnosed with the disease that I most abhor.

I feel like a leper.

tgif

went to the Museum Meat-Market again last night at the MFA with a bunch of girlfriends. At some point, a boy who I shall refer to as Architect (partially because I can't remember his name) struck up conversation (he is the roommate of a friend). Fine, lovely, whatever, we'll chat. He buys me a drink. Things are okay. He's a bit boring but whatever. He's Jewish (hence I will never end up with him). We meet back up with my friends. Architect will not leave. Any time I try to speak to other men (hellO, this is essentially a single's event, for heaven's sake! Even if it IS the seediest place ever and I know I would never date anyone I spoke to there, you are ruining my potential for having future drinks bought for me!), he cuts in. "Did I save you? Was I rescuing you?"

By the end of the night, A's Boyfriend needed to rescue me from Architect, but to no avail. His friends have all left, so he now thinks he's part of our Group. A's Boyfriend (let's call him AB) resorts to saying he's polygamous, ever five minutes. Architect does not get the hint. We go out to a bar recommended by our cab driver (don't ask), order drinks and flat bread pizza (incidentally, some random man had the nerve to try to GUESS MY WEIGHT at the Museum, and over-shot it by 5 lbs. That should have made me resolve to never eat again, but instead, I ordered flat bread pizza, however illogically), blahblah. Bill arrives. Architect makes no move to put a single dollar in. "Oops, I'm out of cash. Can anyone spot me?" We have never met him before. We are three female graduate students & AB. I slap $25 on the table and say, "so much for the drinks you bought me earlier in the night!" AB later tells A that Architect ALSO manage to avoid paying for the cab, too! (Girls had all run inside to get out of the rain.)

Due to a really seamless, almost balletic exchange of wordless communications across the table, everyone has gotten the point that Architect Must Go. Above all, Architect must be kept away from Tarabeet, who he is clearly currently envisioning a romantic life together with thirty-six Jewish children (doublt chai). We walk through the park to get to the T. Everytime Architect swoops in to make conversation with Tarabeet, AB or A or S does a double-swoop, obstructing him from me. "So, how did you meet your roommates?" "So, what were you saying you were working on currently?" "So, where are you from again?"

I didn't have to speak to him again for the rest of the night. Such good, selfless friends.

However, I am apparently being punished for going out two nights in a row (and having the audacity to make plans for a third) by having my body rebel against me. Currently my right eye is refusing to open up altogether. Yep, I've been a Cyclops since I've woken up this morning. SO unattractive, SO going to force me to cancel dinner plans for tonight. (See above)

Also, I just fell prey to a total sneak attack. Was on the phone telling A about my Day as a Cyclops, had a call waiting beep, my one eye mis-judged the button to push on my cell phone, so I switched over to the call without seeing my caller ID first. Big mistake. I was accosted by the sound of ExBoy, voice like an angel, calling me by his petname for me. Totally unprepared.

days of the week underwear might have helped

tarabeet: i never slept with jamc, did i?
tarabeet: no, definitely not.
charlabeet: good call. he couldn't spell wednesday.

email blast

emails currently in my inbox:

1. From: [GradSchoolFriend]
RE: Sat night

do you have plans?
[Boyfriend] and i are going to dinner with 2 of the pple we went to blu with last weekend. a girl who works at [Company with Boyfriend] and her bf. they're both nice/fun.
you should join us. and bring a friend.
we're going to redbones, its in davis. have you been there/heard of it? it doesn't exactly scream [TaraBeet] probably because its a biker/bbq bar. but its a lot of fun, and i think you'd like the walk on the wild side.

* Well, no, I don't have plans, yes it sounds fun, but I refuse to be the third wheel. I hate being single.
__________________________________

2. From: announce
RE: Drinking alone in your room again? Webshots says "Don't do it"

* How in the world did I get on this email list for college-alcoholics?
__________________________________

who let the jews out?

this thing is CRACKING me up.

http://www.passovergreeting.com/

(plus, I just taught myself how to take screenshots!)

I can see clearly now the rain is gone...

I had the best eyeglass-buying experience today. (Darry-en did not even COMPARE.)

Stopped in this teeny little store and was accosted by four wonderful men. They entertained, they smiled, they laughed, they gave me pair after pair of glasses to try.

"Those make your eyes look gorgeous!"

"So perfect with your cheekbones!"

"You look good in everything!"

They brought me into the back of the store and showed me the advance screening of their new commercial. They gave me candy. They told me to take my coat off and make myself comfortable. They loved my tote, they loved my lip gloss, they loved my necklace. I loved them.

After trying on approximately 430940394 pairs of eyeglasses, I finally decided on two.

"Has anyone ever told you you look like that woman on the Food Network?"
"I was thinking that too! Giada!"
"Yes! Giada de Laurentiis!'

"Has anyone ever told you you look like someone famous?" asks #4, coming from the back of the store.
"Only in the last five minutes!" I reply.
"Natalie Portman! You look like Natalie Portman!"
"I SO love this store," I say.

"Hey Giada, did you see V is for Vendetta?" #4 asks.
"No, how was it?!"
"Your boyfriend or husband would like it. The only part I liked was when they cut off her hair. It was heartbreaking. I'm gay, by the way."
"We're all straight!" cry #1, 2, and 3.
"I have no boyfriend. I was dumped," I say.

"WHAT?!" they all yell.
"How?"
"Why?"
"He must be so dumb!"
"So, so dumb!"
"I can't believe it! How could anyone dump our Giada?"

I buy the two pairs. They give me a free pair of prescription sunglasses and kick in the lenses for free. "Because we love you!" says #2, but I bet they do it for everyone.

"Come back soon!"
"Pretty girls are always welcome!"
"We'll call you when your glasses are ready!"

"Thanks again," I say, gather my things, and head out the door.

"See you soon!"
"Remember, there are many other fish in the sea!"
"Cute ones, too!"

Thanks, #1, #2, #3, #4, for making my day. You had no way of knowing how low I felt this morning, and how wonderful you made me feel for the half an hour I spent with you all.

in good company (so says the nytimes)

Low-Calorie Diet May Lead to Longer Life

By DENISE GRADY
Published: April 5, 2006
A low-calorie diet, even in people who are not obese, can lead to changes in metabolism and body chemistry that have been linked to better health and longer life, researchers are reporting.

The findings lend support to the theory that eating less, long known to prolong life in rats and mice, may do the same for people, by preventing heart disease, cancer, diabetes and other diseases, and by slowing aging.

The notion that going hungry could be the fountain of youth has captivated scientists and the public. Calorie restriction, the scientific name for a regimen high in nutrients but low in calories, is the subject of intense research, and some people have already begun trying it on their own.

There is a Calorie Restriction Society with members all over the world, and its president, Brian M. Delaney, estimates that the people experimenting on themselves number in the thousands.

But there is no proof that calorie restriction works in people, largely because it is difficult and expensive to study; it can also take decades to measure an effect on life span.

"There is no data on non-obese humans," said Eric Ravussin, chief of health and performance enhancement at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center at Louisiana State University. Earlier studies had proved that low-calorie diets could reduce weight and alter metabolism in obese people.

A six-month study in 48 people directed by Dr. Ravussin, being published today in The Journal of the American Medical Association, is the first rigorous test of calorie restriction in people who are overweight but not obese. Most participants reduced calories by 25 percent, but some cut back more and ate only 890 calories a day for several months.

"There's never been a study like this one," said Dr. Evan Hadley, director of geriatrics and clinical gerontology at the National Institute on Aging, which paid for the study. He called the results "striking," even though the experiment was only a pilot study for a two-year trial of calorie restriction due to begin in the fall.

Among the main findings of Dr. Ravussin's study was that calorie restriction led to decreases in insulin levels and body temperature. Both are considered signs of longevity, partly because an earlier study by other researchers found both traits in long-lived people. The diet also led to a drop in thyroid hormones and declines in DNA damage.

But Dr. Ravussin and Dr. Hadley cautioned that the study was preliminary, and that it did not prove that calorie restriction could make people healthier or add years to their lives.

"It's an important step along the way," Dr. Hadley said.

Scientists have known for years that when people cut calories and lose weight, the body tries to compensate by slowing its metabolic rate. The slowing is a defensive mechanism to fight weight loss. It was probably preserved by evolution because it saved people from starving to death when food was scarce, but it is the bane of dieters because it means that the more weight they lose, the harder it is to keep reducing.

Several explanations exist for why a strict diet, low in calories but high in nutrients, may slow aging. Many scientists think that an important factor in aging is DNA damage caused by free radicals, highly reactive oxygen-containing molecules formed during normal metabolism. Eating less leads to a slower metabolism and fewer free radicals.

Another possibility is that being deficient in calories turns certain genes on and off, with a net effect of slowing the clock.

In rhesus monkeys, calorie restriction has had pronounced effects. A University of Wisconsin team led by Richard Weindruch has been studying 76 monkeys for more than a decade, half on low-calorie diets and half in a control group that eats normally.

The low-calorie animals weigh about 30 percent less and have 70 percent less body fat than the controls, as well as lower insulin levels. The calorie-restricted monkeys have had two cases of cancer, compared with five in the controls. The controls have had twice the death rate from aging-related diseases like heart failure and diabetes. About 90 percent of the monkeys on low-calorie diets are still alive, compared with only about 70 percent of the controls.

Dr. Ravussin's study included men and women, ages 27 to 49, who were overweight but not obese. Some were just a bit heavy, but others were 30 pounds overweight.

For six months, a control group ate a diet created to maintain members' weights. Another group ate 75 percent of what members needed to keep their weight steady. A third group had members' calories cut 12.5 percent and their exercise increased to burn off 12.5 percent.

The final group went on an extreme diet of 890 calories a day — less than half of what most adults need — for two or three months, until members lost about 15 percent of their body weight. They then switched to a diet meant to keep them at their new lower weight.

Part of the reason for the study, Dr. Ravussin said, was to find out whether people could stand calorie restriction. The participants, who were paid, turned out to be highly motivated, he said. Some were concerned about their weight and health. They had to take time off work for metabolism tests and also ate many meals at the clinic.

Jerelyn Key, 44, a Social Security claims representative, joined because she wanted to learn better eating habits for herself and her family. Ms. Key was assigned to the very-low-calorie group. For two months, she ate four or five shakes a day and a specially formulated "brownie," adding up to just 890 calories a day. She is 5-foot-7, and her starting weight was 165 to 170; after two months she had lost about 28 pounds.

"I look back now wondering how I managed to do it," Ms. Key said. She has regained a bit and now weighs 140 to 145 pounds.

Another participant, Oscar Couvillion, 45, an insurance database administrator, said he was lured by a radio advertisement offering participants $7,000. There was heart disease in Mr. Couvillion's family, and at 5-foot-9, he weighed 192 pounds, about 30 pounds too much.

He wound up in the group assigned to cut calories by 25 percent. At first, he said, "I was starving to death, I had headaches, I was grouchy." But cheered on by therapists in the study, he stuck with it and lost 30 pounds. He said joining the study was one of the best decisions he had ever made.

"You're not going to ask me what I weigh now, are you?" he said, adding that he weighed 176. "I have to repent. Now I know what to do."

ode to kelly c

i know i should just WALK AWAY but I HATE MYSELF FOR LOSING YOU, and now you're GONE. BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES i am ADDICTED to you, and what no one knows is that i am a BEAUTIFUL DISASTER, and it's all BECAUSE OF YOU. WHERE IS YOUR HEART, i wonder? why won't you HEAR ME? YOU FOUND ME, and then you left me.

listened to KC while running this morning. My treadmill buddy next to me (30something goateed man who is always next to me, we sort of set the pace for one another informally) tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I was okay. I didn't realize until then that I was CRYING. Therapeutic, yes. But a little crazy too.

put your glasses on...

... and try to decipher this camera-phone terrible-quality pic.

okay, give up?

menu from Fondue Fest 06, with "Beet Salad" listed as an option.

Of course, since it contained no mass quantities of cheese, we did not order (duh).

art mafia

Just conducted a phone-interview with Very Famous Artist (not sure why he possibly agreed to do the interview except that I name-dropped like crazy) and it bordered on inappropriately flirtatious. Is it wrong that I'd sleep with him in exchange for one of his gorgeous photographs, currently selling for enormous sums of money?

matzolicious

from Cooking Light:

Matzo Buttercrunch

Toasting the matzo enhances the flavor and helps it stay crisp. Keep a close eye on the buttercrunch as they bake. Remove them from the oven as soon as they begin to bubble, and spread the sugar mixture evenly over the matzo crackers. This recipe is sticky, so cover your baking sheet with aluminum foil and parchment paper for easy cleanup.

6 (6-inch) unsalted matzo crackers
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate minichips, finely chopped

Preheat oven to 375°.
Line a jelly roll pan with aluminum foil; cover foil with parchment paper. Arrange matzo crackers in a single layer on pan, cutting them as necessary to fit; bake at 375° for 5 minutes or until crackers are lightly browned. Reduce oven temperature to 350°.

Combine butter and brown sugar in a small heavy saucepan; bring to a boil, stirring often. Cook 3 minutes, stirring constantly; pour mixture over matzo. Bake at 350° for 10 minutes or until the mixture bubbles. Sprinkle evenly with chocolate. Cool slightly; refrigerate 30 minutes or until chocolate is set. Break into 36 pieces.

Yield: 36 servings (serving size: 1 piece)

NUTRITION PER SERVING
CALORIES 72(40% from fat); FAT 3.2g (sat 2g,mono 1g,poly 0.1g); PROTEIN 0.5g; CHOLESTEROL 7mg; CALCIUM 12mg; SODIUM 28mg; FIBER 0.1g; IRON 0.4mg; CARBOHYDRATE 10.8g

Massai

http://www.blissworld.com/shop/brand/mbt/

Have you seen these? The Anti-Cellulite Sneakers, designed to mimic the way the Massai walk? They're supposed to get rid of cellulite and tone your muscles. (Apparently the Massai have no cellulite?) They look hideous. Like platform sneakers circa 9th grade. My best friend at the time had a pair of baby blue Skechers that looked remarkably similar... Also, they're between $300 and $500, depending on the style (or lack thereof).

So I've often contemplated these ugly things. I believe that beauty is sometimes pain. I sweat it out at the gym, I wax my eyebrows and bikini, I pluck, I prod, I squeeze into too-small jeans. All for the price of beauty. I wear clothes to make me LOOK skinnier. But would I be willing to wear shoes that actually MAKE me skinnier, if they were truly truly hideous?

I've thought, well, maybe at the gym? But no. My gait is funny enough wihtout Massai Barefoot Technology, MBT. Under REALLY long jeans, so you can't even see the shoes? Doubtful it would work.

But I'm unendingly curious.

This morning, on my way to the gym, I saw a girl who was wearing shoes that I REALLY thought were the MBT's. Finally! In the flesh! I sort of attacked her while we were waiting for the pedestrian light to flash GO.

"Ohmygod! Are those the Massai Shoes?! Do they really work?! I mean, it's not like I REALLY have cellulite but every little bit counts, right?! Are they uncomfortable? Tell me tell me tell me!"

She looked at me blankly. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about, dude." Then she proceeded to cross the street. Into the Center for Homeless Teens.

I am such an asshole.

that's what friends are for

A friend is someone you call when you need them. Someone you can count on. Someone you know well, and who knows you well.

The Ex Boy doesn't fit into any of these categories. I don't feel like I can call him when I need him. I know I can't count on him. I thought I knew him, and I thought he knew me, but I was proven wrong. We are people who thought we knew who one another was, in the past.

So why do we have to insist on "being friends"? It is ridiculous, it is hurtful, I can't do it.

I need a date.

(allegedly) most commonly used words on our blog

(from word cloud)

life plans

Still have not heard back from a single company to which I sent my resume last week.

Perhaps I could follow in Mimi In New York's footsteps and have a dual career as a stripper slash yogi?

At least I wouldn't have to schedule workouts into my day...

Note to self, must devote more time to Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease DVD's.

grocery drama

My cute new shoes, cute new jewelry, cute new handbag and I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and amble on leisurely over to the far-away grocery store.

I had already done a TJ's run earlier in the day, so the basics (fruit, veggies, bread, milk, eggs, smoked salmon, wine, sorbet) were covered. I was a girl on a mission, but a focused mission. I had to carry the stuff back, so it couldn't be too heavy. Also, the grocery store was v. crowded so I wanted to be in the "10 items or less" line.

I unloaded my basket:
1. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray
2 & 3. Better N' Peanut Butter (2 jars)
4 & 5. Light N' Fit Smoothies (2 cases, one Mango-Passion & one Straw-Banana)
6 & 7 & 8. Fat Free Cool Whip.
9. Sugar-free red raspberry preserves.
10. Laughing Cow Light cheese bites.

I looked absurd. I looked all-out-ana. I looked deranged.

The man behind me wouldn't stop staring at me and my purchases. The cashier tried to pick me up. He actually said to me, "Do you live around here? I haven't seen you here before. And I know all the beautiful girls..."

I looked down at the floor, wanting to sink into it and die. A rat scurried across, into the corner.

I am SO never going back to the far-away grocery store.

who's your babydaddy?

Hello?

Hi, Ex-Boy? It's me.

Oh, hi, how are you?

I'm... okay. How are you doing?

Pretty good.

Well, here's the thing. You know how I've been feeling really nauseous?

Yeah...

And throwing up left & right, totally uncontrollably?

Yeah...

Well. There's no easy way to say this. I'm pregnant.

...

And it's yours.

...

...

...

APRIL FOOL'S!



(Just kidding. I didn't actually do this. But I fantasized about it ALL DAY LONG.)