Massai

http://www.blissworld.com/shop/brand/mbt/

Have you seen these? The Anti-Cellulite Sneakers, designed to mimic the way the Massai walk? They're supposed to get rid of cellulite and tone your muscles. (Apparently the Massai have no cellulite?) They look hideous. Like platform sneakers circa 9th grade. My best friend at the time had a pair of baby blue Skechers that looked remarkably similar... Also, they're between $300 and $500, depending on the style (or lack thereof).

So I've often contemplated these ugly things. I believe that beauty is sometimes pain. I sweat it out at the gym, I wax my eyebrows and bikini, I pluck, I prod, I squeeze into too-small jeans. All for the price of beauty. I wear clothes to make me LOOK skinnier. But would I be willing to wear shoes that actually MAKE me skinnier, if they were truly truly hideous?

I've thought, well, maybe at the gym? But no. My gait is funny enough wihtout Massai Barefoot Technology, MBT. Under REALLY long jeans, so you can't even see the shoes? Doubtful it would work.

But I'm unendingly curious.

This morning, on my way to the gym, I saw a girl who was wearing shoes that I REALLY thought were the MBT's. Finally! In the flesh! I sort of attacked her while we were waiting for the pedestrian light to flash GO.

"Ohmygod! Are those the Massai Shoes?! Do they really work?! I mean, it's not like I REALLY have cellulite but every little bit counts, right?! Are they uncomfortable? Tell me tell me tell me!"

She looked at me blankly. "Um, I don't know what you're talking about, dude." Then she proceeded to cross the street. Into the Center for Homeless Teens.

I am such an asshole.