To Do (Short-Term)

1. Finish reading 'My Name is Red' for Book Club meeting tomorrow. And by finish, I mean start.

2. Buy Secret Santa present for our part-time accountant who I don't know AT ALL. Note that she is apparently allergic to anything scented- lotions, candles, etc. (I was thinking of buying a really pretty delicate tea cup and saucer at Anthro with a nice thing of tea. Thoughts?)

3. Work out. A lot.

4. Buy adorable baby clothes for my cousin's new daughter. Fantasize about having babies. Freak out about being pregnant. Repeat. Rinse. Lather.

5. Act like a totally normal person for 2 weeks, i.e. no DTR-talks whatsoever, no drama. This is part of The Plan. (I will explain The Plan in a later post.)

6. Send a package with the following items to Mali: peanut butter, vibrator, carbon paper (do they even still make this?), article about killing a dog in Mali.

7. Buy skim milk (for coffee, which I am allowed to drink even during a fast). This annoys me because Roommate's Boyfriend's only job (in the apt, not in life) is to buy milk. It's his "rent contribution." He actually does a very good job of it, and goes in the am to get milk if we're all out, but he seems to have bought 1% milk which makes me ill.

yum

1. Seda France Nutmeg Vanille candle, smells just like a cup of chai tea.

Cures cravings and sweet t(ee)th?

TBD.

2. Grey cashmere H&M sweatpants, feel like a dream.

Will I ever take them off?

TBD.

i'm taking action

i am ENORMOUS.

i'm fasting for the day to kick start my diet.

i refuse to be ugly in vegas.

Dahling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue

Him: What are you doing now?

Her: I'm walking the dog.

Him: Don't you pay someone to do that for you in the city?

Her: Smartass. What are you doing?

Him: Sitting in the front yard looking out at the horses. Oh, a cardinal just flew onto the chair next to me!

Her: Wow, you really do live in the country, don't you?

priceless

"wait, who is K?"

brilliant.

merci beaucoup.

such a fun night!

xoxo.

One Sided

Remember, a couple of weeks ago, when I said I had to talk to you? And then we put it off because your parents were coming to town, because we didn't want conflict, because we slept together, because things were going so well?

Yeah, then. I think we still need to talk.

I know, we we were just going to spend the night cooking and watching a movie and having sex. It was going to be our own private Thanksgiving, since we can't spend the holiday together. It still can be... but later.

I know, it sounds worse than it is, really. It always sounds bad, when someone says they need to talk. But I do. Need to talk, I mean.

I guess it's been a few things that have made me realize that I need to do this.

Well, like last Friday, for example. When I came home after sharing a bottle of Sancerre with Z, who had been in Argentina for two months, and you met me here. We talked about our nights, and you asked if I had told Z "about us." It was dark, so maybe you couldn't see how I wrinkled my face, and it was late, so maybe you couldn't hear that I wasn't just kidding when I said quietly, "Well, what would I tell her?"

No, really, what would I tell her? You and I have been sleeping together exclusively? We've been dating, we've been making each other laugh, we've been text messaging all day long, we've been fucking eachother, we haven't been fucking other people?

Or a couple of weeks ago, when we were walking back from the bar, when I ran away dramatically, slowly, so you would catch me. And everyone else walked ahead of us, beating us to your house by half an hour, but we ambled down side streets and not-so-shortcuts so we could finish our conversation, and you worried about whether my new boots were hurting my feet. (They weren't. I might be stronger than you think.) You yelled at me then, "It's like you're always just waiting for me to fuck you over! Like you interpret everything I do like this might be it, this might be the time I fuck you over." And you were so right. I do. I am. You reassured me that you care about me, that you like me, that you have fun with me.

But I feel like that's not enough to make me feel sure. I don't generally think of myself as an insecure person. Really, I don't. But this lack of clarity around... us... it makes me feel unsure. It makes me act like a person I don't want to be.

And also? You've said to me, offhandedly, at least three times. "I'm worried about this moving too fast." I just want to understand, for you, what does "too fast" mean? What is the right speed?

No, I'm really not angry with you.

I'm not! I just want to understand.

I have such a good time with you. You know that. I hope you know that. You should know that. It's not even that I want things to change! I don't know what I want, except to know more about what this is, how you see this.

Are we like X and Y?

No, it's a serious question. Are we?

Well, how are we not? We sleep together, we hang out, we like spending time together...

I'm not trying to be difficult. How are we not just fuck buddies? Or buddies who fuck?

Fine, then what are we?

Really, I want to know! In your opinion, what are we?

I have no idea! We act in ways that, in past relationships, I would act if I were someone's girlfriend. We talk every morning and every night, we text during the day, I've met your parents, I talk about you to mine, we hold hands in the park, you kiss me on the cheek in front of people and stand to greet me when I enter the room, you rearrange seats so you can sit next to me...

I know I'm not your girlfriend. So what am I?

shut up and sing

i LOVED this movie.

places i want to travel to (soon)

1st timers...
buenos aires
prague
venice

une autre fois...
la
san fran
paris

in re smooshed fruit

they're the organic, 35 calorie version of old-school fruit leather. i love them. (fyi, i think only apricot is 35 calories and the other flavors are 40.)

another study that proves what we might have already known

Men bad for women's waistlines

Women who cohabit may put on weight as a consequence

A UK obesity expert has analysed why it is that women who move in with their man often put on weight as a result.

Eating man-sized portions and indulging in richer foods and wines can lead to weight gain, a review in The Lancet medical journal says.

When you combine that with going on the contraceptive pill or having babies, a woman's waistline can severely suffer, says author Dr David Haslam.

"Men are very bad for women really," he said.


If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event...you may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff
Dr Haslam

He said research showed women tend to gain weight once they cohabit and begin to share meals with men who intrinsically have higher energy needs and therefore appetites.

"If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event and its no longer just filling a gap. You may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff."

The weekly shopping list may change from the basic fruit and veg to include indulgent treats.

Couples may go out to restaurants for meals more often.

Women may do less exercise when they are in a relationship, skipping a trip to the gym to spend quality time with their partner.

Multiple insults

The contraceptive they chose to use can also have an impact.

The Pill, taken by 3.5 million British women, has been associated with a slight weight gain among some users, on average 4lb in the first three months.

Repeated pregnancies can also lead to weight gain.

"Each individual factor for weight gain is serious enough but put them all together and you can get a significant increase," said Dr Haslam.

Societal changes mean women may be less physically active than their great-grandmothers were, doing less housework thanks to time-saving gadgets, getting partners to share the load or paying others to do it for them.

Some studies have shown that married couples gain weight while those who divorce lose weight.

Dr Haslam stressed that it was important not to generalise and that being in a relationship had numerous positive influences and gains too.

He said the important thing was for individuals to look at their own lifestyles and make healthy changes if they needed to.

Obesity has been shown to decrease life expectancy by seven years at the age of 40.

sunday nustas

run 45 minutes,
elliptical 10 minutes

coffee
water
tea

2 faux-sausages, 80
amy's chunky tomato bisque, (SO AMAZING), 1 c, 120
dr praeger's broccoli pancake, 60
10 pieces of popcorn, ?
100 calorie balance bar, 100
slice of american cheese, 50
10 saltines, 120
smooshed, 35

the doctor is in

omg i am LOVING dr praeger's broccoli pancakes.

DELICIOUS.

run, don't walk

to this (new to me) blog

(Harvard was never as much fun when I was there...)

celui-ci, ou celui-la?

gym bags...

I refuse to get that Puma bag that everyone and their mother has. It is SO hard to find a gym bag that holds enough stuff. I saw a girl in the locker room with a gorgeous red leather crocodile-ish one, but she was too naked to approach and inquire.

Revival of an old feature: Highlights from the NYT Wedding Pages

I love this man:

The tone of Mr. Beaumont’s e-mail messages also turned much more personal: “I woke today happy and full of anticipation of our first date,” he wrote. “I value the friendship that we have created and hope it will grow into something truly special, full of romance and love, butterflies, family, adventure, happiness and most of all, a deep friendship that has no boundaries.”

When I read the paper version of the NYT this morning (my greatest luxury besides my fancy gym), I started out thinking this girl was hysterical and also that I sort of related. Chopped her food up into small pieces! Love it! But then I listened to the video-version, and good god, she is annoying. (See link)

Ms. Genser and Mr. Burkhoff met online in July 2001, and after four years of dating, Ms. Genser was certain Mr. Burkhoff was going to pop the question on five occasions last year.

The first was a Yankee game in October 2005 without a proposal.

Strike 1.

Then there was a marathon Mr. Burkhoff ran in Washington that month — but the only thing waiting for Ms. Genser at the finish line was her tired marathoner.

A few weeks later they vacationed in Miami.

They became tan, but not engaged.

Then they attended a Neil Diamond concert, but the singer was the only diamond Ms. Genser saw that night.

“I knew she was expecting something,” Mr. Burkhoff said. “So to ensure an element of surprise, I had to keep throwing her off track.”

On New Year’s Eve, the suspense continued.

The night began with drinks at the Waldorf, but Ms. Genser found no ring at the bottom of her wine glass. At dinner in Mr. Burkhoff’s apartment, she cut her food into small pieces. Again, no hidden ring. They played Scrabble, but there was no ring in the bag of letters.

i've been noticing...

... your dr praeger's products... fish sticks, pancakes, etc.

review?

worth it to order online?

xo

ding dong the witch is (almost) dead

The Crazy One is currently looking for alternate living situations.

wahoo.

tb nustas

1 cup of coffee
not enough water (just a few glasses)
large diet pepsi

we went out for lunch at work, to a pressed sandwich place (no other options). i had:
pressed sandwich with various italian meats/cheeses/balsamic
pickle spear
i'll guess the total at around 650

garden burger black bean chipotle burger, 80
slice of cheese, 50
1/2 tbsp ketchup, 10
vanilla caramel crisp balance bar, 100

run 30,
elliptical 30.

all things considered, i think i did okay.
estimated calories in = 1030

from niri's myspace

It just doesnt stop...

So i gain a little bit of weight, and im acussed of having a gastric bypass surgery reversed? Its pathetic of Page Six to insinuate i have done this. Anyone that knows anything about this surgery would know that legally, you must be AT LEAST 100 pounds overweight to even have the surgery done, and is a serious, life changing procedure; not one to throw around as a joke or a rumor. Ive given a statement I am in the process of putting on weight, and that should be enough. Its a shame to hear that instead of hearing supportive words, someone needs to spin it into some negative, absurd way

this shouldn't come as a shock since we are both currently convinced we are in love with people who we rationally know to be wildly inappropriate

During sex, women secrete a hormone called oxytocin. This is the same hormone that we experience when we are nursing our babies. Some experts refer to oxytocin as the attachment hormone, because this hormone causes us to both relax and connect with the person we are with. In the aftermath of sex, we relax and commit to our sex partners. While we are nursing, we relax and connect with our babies.

In both these situations, oxytocin, the bonding hormone, has survival value. Connecting with our babies helps us to take pleasure in being with them and caring for them, even at times when it wouldn't ordinarily be very pleasant, (like in the middle of the night.) Connecting with our sex partners increases the chances that we will stay together long enough to raise the baby to adulthood.

For men, the pathways to bonding are a little different. We have all heard, ad naseum, actually, the argument that men and women have distinct mating strategies. Men seek to impregnate as many women as possible, and invest as little as possible in each child, while women seek to nurture each child to full maturity. We are less familiar with the obvious point that men must compete for women.

Women prefer men who will be faithful providers for them and their children. Women's strategy compels men to be more faithful, less philandering than they would otherwise like to be. The man's strategy places him at war with himself. The evolutionary payoff for men to settle down with particular women is the assurance that the children he invests in are indeed his own. At least one psychologist argues that jealousy helps men to connect with their sexual partners. Possessiveness helps the man settle down.

A man doesn't feel jealous or possessive toward every woman he sees, or even toward every woman he finds attractive. He feels jealous over women he has had sex with. This feeling of jealousy is in some ways a nuisance for the woman. She might feel that the man is trying to control her activity, or even her thoughts and feelings. And make no mistake about it: men do sometimes go over the line and become obsessively jealous, even dangerously jealous. But, one thing is for sure. A woman knows that she matters to a guy who gets jealous.

Possessiveness is the dark side of male attachment. The bright side of the very same tendency to attach is loyalty. Men are capable of heroic loyalty, to their wives and children, to their teams, companies and countries. Our culture indulges in so much male-bashing that we sometimes overlook this salutary fact about the male half of our species.

All this makes perfect biological sense. This is Mother Nature's way of making sure we stick together long enough to have fun, make a baby, and then work together long enough to raise the baby to adulthood.

This tendency to attach to each other means that in a very real sense, causal sex isn't even possible. There is a reason guys come unhinged when they find out their "friend with benefits" has another friend. There is a reason girls sit by the phone, wondering whether the guy they hooked up with the previous night will ever call them again. The basic desire to connect with our sex partners is built into our physiology.

Meet The Parents

Yes, I did.

Well, actually, I really only met his father. (Mom was sick and stayed at the hotel.)

sort of anticlimactic, in truth.

Evil T was there, too, so I was distracted by her presence, not working perhaps as hard as I should to wow/woo him.

He was nice, he was funny, he made some wildly inappropriate jokes (dirty humor, not racist) and cracked me up. I liked watching The Southerner interact with him, because they're incredibly close, and he seems so comfortable. For the record, I'm adding to the list of things I want in a guy: "Has a great relationship with his parents."

recent nicole richie thinspo pictures absolutely gorgeous can i please be her

it began with an email exchange

CB: WHICH young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.
this is nicole

i had heard rumors about this once, thoughts?

TB: no way!

no doctor would do gastric bypass on her and she clearly is skinny
from doing coke and clenbutrol!

...right?

CB: hmmm i don't know, she WAS chubby before, i've heard rumors of this...
of course related, do you think clenbuterol works?

i was sure. but cb had raised questions.

After staying only 72 hours at Beau Monde, the $80,000 a month treatment center in Newport Beach, where she reportedly went for help with an eating disorder on October 26th, Nicole Richie checked herself out claiming that she wanted to go shopping. Later that night, Nicole Richie passed out at the L.A. club, Hyde, where witnesses say she was partying with Lindsay Lohan. The staff members at the facility insisted that Richie stay, but she refused. A source says:

Nicole is in complete denial and oblivious to how sick she really is."


Two years ago, Nicole Richie was a chubby mess on The Simple Life. Then one day, apparently because of an eating disorder, she was skinny. But, the thing is, you don't lose 50 pounds overnight by being an anorexic. You lose 50 pounds overnight because of gastric bypass surgery. Just like her ex-boyfriend, DJ A.M., did (he lost 150 pounds due to the surgery). The rumor is that Nicole Richie checked herself in not because she has an eating disorder, but because she had gastric bypass surgery and now can no longer put on any weight at all, even if she tries. This horrible tragedy would keep me up at night if I cared. Wait, let me check....nope, still don't. (from http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/11/nicole-richie-is-committed.html

my verdict? i don't buy it. i think it was a mix of cocaine and clenbutrol (which, yes, DEFINITELY works). if you look at her body (clavicle, ribs, etc), i think it's just a much more compelling argument. regardless, she looks SO INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS AND PERFECT right now, i will post pics in a sec.

top 10 favorite low calorie foods at the moment

1. gardenburger riblets. if you haven't tried these, you are seriously missing out. somehow they fit an insane amount of bbq sauce into 290 calories, and i swear to god, i like them better than real ribs.
(fyi, it's too much of a pain to get them out of the bag once it's microwaved; i like to just dump it all out into a bowl and then nuke it for 4 minutes.)

2. sesmark cracked wheat and sesame savory thins. these are great with low-cal cheese or even alone, 15 crackers for 110 calories is pretty unbeatable, too.

3. balance bar in vanilla caramel crisp flavor, only 100 calories, salty and sweet all at once.

4. shirataki noodles- then, now, forever. seriously i don't know how anyone could live without these. 40 calories in a bag; i haven't made pasta in months. (for the record, i eat pasta when i go out, i'm not insane, i just would never touch the stuff when i could have shirataki instead.)

4. miso soup, 35 calories,
&
5. organic vegetable broth from whole foods, 10,

both are fantastic with shirataki noodles in them, as a sort of homage to chicken noodle soup.

6. lean cuisine bbq chicken pizza, 290 calories and it's freakin' amazing.

7. wheat thin chips 100 calorie packs, oldie but goodie.

8. boca burger breakfast links, 70 calories for 2 links.

9. coffee, a sort of disgustingly good appetite suppressant.

10. laughing cow light cheese, 50 calories. again, oldie but goodie. i like to eat one of these before i head out the door to work out in the am (protein?).

back on the nustas wagon, day 1

1 cup coffee
2 cups h20
giant bottle of seltzer (i.e. = 4 glasses of water)

fage yogurt, 80

shirataki fettucini, 40, in...
... organic creamy tomato soup, 10 (because i had about two bites before i realized it had definitely gone bad).

3 crackers, 22
1 slice of cheese, 50

tall skim latte with caramel shot, 140

baked califlower, 6 oz, 40, with...
2 sprays of olive oil, 10, and..
1 tbsp shaved parmesan, 20

balance bar, vanilla caramel crisp, 100

graham cracker, 55, with...
2 tbsp cool whip lite, 15

multivitamin

run 30
elliptical 52

TOTAL IN = 582

getting lucky

(Do not be misled by the title of my post, I am still the 9-month virgin.)

Mom & I had plans to attend the Lucky Shops Event (see link), but I was v negative about it because we weren't able to go until 2pm on the THIRD day of the event so I was convinced it would be totally picked over.

BUT I ended up going anyway because a) she dragged me and b) I've been to a wedding there (Gotham Hall) and wanted to see how they changed the space for this. (Architect influence, perhaps?)

Anyway, the highlights included:
1. Theory trousers for $50 a pair! (I bought 4, but to be fair, I wear them almost every day and the FOUR pairs still ended up being LESS than the cost of 1 pair at full price.)
2. Theory knee-high rich mahogany colored boots, $140 (down from $500something.)
3. Earnest Sewn skinny jeans, $80.
4. Gold bamboo-looking bangle, 35.
5. Gold & silver necklace with gold locket, thereby enabling me to mix gold and silver. Seriously I cannot resist articles of jewelry that allow wrong to be right. The necklace is a cool mix of punk & Victorian.
6. V cool blousy patterned shirt by Twinkle, worn out last night, v Marc Jacobs looking.
7. The largest convening of attractive and gorgeous women that I have ever witnessed in NY. Seriously, everyone was just lovely-looking.
8. Free cocktails.

Would totally recommend attending next year. It's a smaller scale (way smaller) Super Saturday, with discounted designer goods & a % of the profits going to charity (in this case, Baby Buggy, started by Jessica Seinfeld). Ticket prices here are only $50 for the general ad., no fabulous food or snacks or decorate your own cupcakes like at S.S., but there were still cocktails. Speaking of cocktails, sampled the Absolut Pear which was absolutely vile and I unequivocally do NOT endorse.

i hate life

somehow my night ended with Tall A calling me and asking if i got home ok and me saying i was going to ZIP BURGER and him MEETING me and me proceeding to EAT AN ENTIRE BACON CHEESEBURGER AND FRENCH FRIES and now i AM enormous.

the end.

nustas day 4

i skipped the gym today. very very bad. but i promise to do a double workout tomorrow (before we rendezvous!).

gingerbread-flavored coffee.
3 glasses of water.
french roast coffee.

4 faux sausage links- 180.
1 package of shirataki fettucini noodles- 40.
1/2 cup vegetable broth- 10.
2 pieces of sugar free bubble gum- 20.
lean cuisine ravioli- 240.
2 graham crackers with 2 tbsp of cool whip- 110 + 25 = 135

grand total = 625

to be continued

1. going over to The Southerner's house for the first time as a pseudo-couple, and The Friend's reaction.
2. an analysis of workout clothing.
3. favorite new "diet friendly" foods.

running late to work, trying to fix a hangover without eating things that aren't good for me... 4 boca burger sausage links (180) for breakfast and gingerbread coffee from brueger's just aren't cutting it....

take it to the gym

day three. could have been better, but i'm not giving up. i feel like i made good choices in the face of lots of temptation (i.e. brioche french toast and cheeseburgers were on the menu.) also i'm only partially counting liquid calories, thankyouverymuch.

run 30 mins.

breakfast with dad...
1 poached egg,
3 slices of bacon,
home fries (baked, though, i checked),
1/2 slice of whole wheat toast.
estimated = 500?

dinner with a friend...
tofu with steamed vegetables in a lime-based sauce,
estimated = 300?

5 cups of coffee.

2 cups of water.

7 glasses of wine.
= 800?

resolution

i've decided to eat healthy & work out every day for a week.

a week is a manageable enough sounding amount of time, but also long enough that i will begin to see results.

yesterday was day 1, and it was a success.

today was day 2, also reasonably successful.

et voila, the nustas...

run 45 minutes.

3 cups of coffee.
2 glasses of water.
1 glass of white wine. (~150?)
0% fage yogurt (80).
1 package of shirataki noodles (40)
in 1/2 cup chicken soup broth (10).
4 crackers (25) with
2 slices of cheese (50 each).
2 soy "sausage links" (90).
1/2 c pumpkin (avec cinnamon & splenda), 40,
with 1 tbsp cool whip (20).
100 calorie pack of wheat thin chips.
100 calorie pack of cheese-nips.

must. drink. more. water.

grand total = ~755ish

boots were made for walking, continued

i loved them even before i saw NiRi wearing similar ones.

today's horoscope (hmmm)

You may find yourself behaving a bit inconsistently today. Try to strive for common sense and balance in all areas of your life, particularly when it comes to relationships. Stop expecting things to be a certain way and learn how to accept them as they really are. This should help you avoid a lot of disappointment, conflict and confusion right now.

how much would you pay for these boots?

oops, i did it again...

note to self, just because someone (male) leaves their email open on your computer does not give you the right to read it.

and even if in some twisted world it DOES give you the right to read it (i.e. not technically "breaking and entering"), it will not provide you with any information that will make you feel better.

in fact, it will make you feel worse.

therefore, in the future, please refrain from snooping.

love, self

nice stems

WHAT A SURPRISE! a package from CB! even after our fabulous dinner at stant sosh... even after sparkling conversation and wit and taking control of the cab driver and navigating our way back from the mysterious lower east side... even after hours and hours of 1th with the dual purpose of wooing away my friends from YouKnowWho's evil clutches...

still! more!

please note that this pen and its accompanying notebook will no doubt be used in the service of solving crimes like the case of the missing blazer.

and sugar-free worther's, no less! DELICIOUS.

thank you! xoxoxo

fyi

i'm sorry, but there are

NO CIRCUMSTANCES

(us dating, her dating your best friend, roommates, good friends)

under which her SLEEPING IN YOUR BED is okay.