what i want for hannukah

horoscope du jour

You're likely to start the day focused on a few issues that need to be dealt with. But it should be a different story later in the day when you'll probably just want to have a little fun with some friends and loved ones. You should start feeling much more sociable and energetic as the day goes on, so try to enjoy some good times with those you care about tonight.

Factday Sundays

remember Poetry Tuesdays?
here goes Factday Sundays (sort of a loose spin-off of my FAILED Summer of Knowledge)

The symbol on the 'pound' key (#) is called an octothorpe.

You inhale about 700,000 of your own skin flakes each day. (how many calories is THAT?!)

Maggots will only eat flesh if it is dead. For this reason, they are often used to remove the burnt skin from severe burn patients. (i haven't blogged about maggots in AGES. this was on an episode of House)

Ants don’t sleep.

According to U.S. FDA standards, 1 cup of orange juice is allowed to contain 10 fruit fly eggs, but only 2 maggots.

87% of statistics are made up.

half-dead-to-me

so this is exceptionally odd, BUT--
when i go to log into blogger in a normal fashion, it continues to NOT allow me to access the blog
BUT, if I log in, go view the site, and click the pencil-icon to edit any particular post, and then hit another tab at the top to create a NEW post, i can get around the system and manage to get in and post.
SO, i vote it a big improvement!
hurrah for baby steps!

omg FINALLY!

i think beta blogger is working for me FINALLY!!! i am IN the living room!!!

fabulous food find (low cal snack review)

Health is Wealth All Natural Vegetarian Hot Tamale Munchees ("Classic Mexican Flavors in a Crispy Wheat Pocket").

Fan-freaking-tastic.

You get 6 of them for 160 calories (12-13 in a box), and they're amazing. A dab of sour cream and you're set. I also just really enjoy things that you can pop in your mouth and eat MANY of, because it feels like you're getting more bang for your buck and being more indulgent.

Also, they have a broccoli & cheese munchee flavor that is sitting in my freezer waiting to be tried.

Note, they're pretty good when microwaved but even better when cooked in the oven.

10 out of 10.

16 days

perfect holiday card for the boy, your parents

(TM)

to do

Note: i don't know why you can't post! according to my computer, it says you should be able to! it forced me to switch to blogger beta.. do you think i can try to switch back?

1. revise resume
2. send cover letters
3. mfa fashion show
4. buy winter coat
5. go to gym
6. club monaco
7. holiday presents for friends, family

G, B, U (Again)

The Good: They asked her to leave.

The Bad: They asked her to leave.

The Ugly: They asked her to leave.

G, B, U

The Good: Andy Pettite is coming back to the Yankees.

The Bad: It's 6:03 and I'm drunk off one cup of hot cider with rum. Alone.

The Ugly: Found a dead baby mouse in a sticky trap in my kitchen (all limbs intact). Waiting for HeWhoIsNotMyBoyfriend to come dispose of it. Wishing I had added "Dead Mouse Removal" to Roommate's Boyfriend's List of Responsibilities (in addition to clarifying SKIM milk purchasing).

gor.geous.

update

did i tell you i went out the other night with S, Tyrant T (as my mom would call her), Bowtie Date, and TT's lesbian friend H?

overheard H leaning in and asking S:
So, my girlfriend and I debate this constantly. Who do you think is hotter, The Southerner or J?

i've never laughed so hard in my life than thinking about the two of them sitting around talking about the relative hotness of these boys.

just fyi

there is no real update on my suspicions (SUSPICIONS), though they seem (note: SEEM) unconfirmed/ unfounded/ irrational.

he has been acting with 85% normalcy, though we have no longer been exchanging the "good night" phone calls or texts. or even good morning's for that matter. shit, this might be going downhill.

up in the air for tonight, potential hanging out as a group.

fuck.

r.i.p., continued

jen and vince (i vote she should date john stamos)

rachel bilson & adam brody

...

let us take a moment of silence, please.

best of metropolitan diary

Dear Diary:

I had just moved from California to the Upper West Side, and was in a neighborhood store, purchasing some plants for my new apartment. In front of me in line were two older New York couples.

The wife of the first couple said to the man behind the counter: “Got anything for squirrels? I don’t want to kill them; I just want to scare them away.”

To which her husband replied: “I want to kill them. What do you have to kill them?”

The second couple, behind them, interjected, “Where do you live?” It was determined that they all lived within one city block of each other.

The next question: “What does your squirrel look like?” After some discussion, it was agreed that it was the same squirrel.

“That’s him,” wife No. 2 said. “He’s got a feisty stance, and beady eyes.” To which her husband then suggested: “Let’s kill him together.”

The man behind the counter said, “We’re not killing squirrels here, ladies and gentlemen. This is Manhattan. We all got to get along.”

Naomi Starkman

DEAR DIARY:

I was trying on clothes in Filene’s, on Broadway and 79th Street, when I overheard the following conversation between a mother and child in the next cubicle:

“I like this cage, Mom.”

“It’s not a cage, dear. It’s a dressing room.”

“You look great in that dress, Mom.”

“No, I’m not getting it. I don’t look good in pink.”

“But I love it. You could just wear it when we’re home alone.”

Eva Oppenheim

nustas du jour

elliptical, 60 mins

9 oz baked cauliflower (65)
with 1 tbsp of parmesan (20)
(my favorite snack ever)

campbell's italian wedding sip n go (90, recommend)

green mountain coffee in cinnamon cream swirl (delicious. ok, if you are going to be drinking coffee to stay up, you need some of this stuff!)

2 pieces yellowtail sashimi
2 pieces tuna sashimi
seaweed salad

3/4 slice of pizza with artichoke hearts, garlic, and chicken (i know, bad)

couple of the week

i love them. the sitting on the couch thing brings tears to my eyes.

(but what do you think they mean by "his first date ever"?!)

it reminds me of the days of sex in the sound factory bathroom

"What pussy-flashing pop star and mother of two got fucked in the bathroom of an after-hours party recently? Her family is said to be very concerned about her hard-partying ways and is mulling an intervention." ( via perez)

Aphrodisiac Professions

1. Architect
(This boy would be your mother's dream. Last night he made me ooh and ahh by architect-name-dropping and showing me photos of houses he designed. Creative but financially stable. Architects = hot, tell your dad to watch out.)

2. Anything that requires a Blackberry, brown shiny shoes, and a suit.
(This is such an Electra Complex that I think I need to move on right away.)

to do today

1. buy headphones for ipod since i somehow broke 2 of them.
2. go to gym.
3. meet M for post-lsat coffee.
4. go to mfa.
5. buy gym bag.
6. return j. crew sweater.
7. wine tasting with Roommate.
8. figure out wtf i want.
9. apply for 3 jobs (all in ny).
10. vacuum.

no words

so so sorry for texting you last night! Hope I wasn't TOO much of a pain.

This situation is making me act like a crazy person. Met The Southerner and his roommates (not The Psycho) for a movie. He surprised me with yellow-cake Hostess cupcakes (obviously, best enjoyed with Diet Coke) but the whole time I wondered why he wasn't holding my hand.

Out to dinner, after the movie, during Sancerre and G&T's, we became enmeshed in one of Those Conversations.

Me: I hate how I've been acting lately, and I can't figure out why and I can't stop myself.
Him: Lots of things are up in the air for you now. You feel insecure. You feel unsettled.

Hard to hear, but true.

We sat there for hours. We closed down the restaurant.

But what I couldn't say, because I'm still too scared, and because I'm afraid of ruining things, and because I was too drunk to articulate it properly...

Yes. I'm not living the life that I thought I would be. Things ARE unsure, things are uncertain, things are up in the air. It DOES make me feel insecure. But this.. relationship is the embodiment of that. I hate having to worry about what to call you when I RSVP for my office Christms party, or what if my dad accidentally introduces you to someone as my boyfriend when we visit NY next weekend, or whether inviting you to do X activity is too "couple-y."

....

clearly, I still don't even know what I'm trying to say.

celeb lookalikes

From: Me
To: K

am suicidal because coworker just said the following to me (omg it's almost too bad to mention):

"has anyone ever told you that you look like..."

[so at this point i'm preparing myself for the people i've been told before.
penelope cruz.
katie holmes.
giadia de laurentis.
natalie portman.
even, ick, madonna.]

....



....



...


paris fucking hilton.



From: K
To: Me

thats terrible. im sorry. the girl i tutor just told me that someone
says she looks like raven symone (sp?) and cami from laguna beach. its
better to look like paris hilton than raven simon and cami.

i have heard many offensive you-look-likes. theyre usually a hair color or
racial match and nothing more. with you, im not sure what went wrong.

you look NOTHING like paris hilton.

we should come up with a standard thing to say back to people who offend us
with you-look-likes. how about: "thats so funny. i was just thinking that
you look exactly like al gore."

Would You Date A Guy Who...

(...prompted by pondering my dealbreakers, what I've put up with in the past, what I'd be willing to work with and what I'd never be willing to settle for... This is in no particular order!)

Would You Date A Guy Who...
- expressed no interest in performing oral sex?
- was truly terrible at oral sex?
- maintained contact with his exgirlfriend?
- slept in the same bed as a roommate?
- cuddled with a fat girl named Maura while drunk?
- read your email clandestinely?
- wore charcoal-grey boxer briefs with bright red trim (aka QLU's, or Queer Little Underpants)?
- loved his mother so much he speaks to her every morning and every night?
- was 7 years older than you?
- was 13 years older than you?
- refused to call you his girlfriend?
- you didn't know if he was Asian or Jewish?
- wasn't Jewish?
- was the son of Catholic missionaries?
- went to therapy 1x a week and group therapy 2x a week?
- believed in aliens?
- liked hiking?
- one of your best friends didn't like?
- liked your hair better straight than curly? (Note, may only apply to me)
- liked you better in glasses than contacts? (Note, it may mean he is blind.)
- insisted he liked you better when you were "fatter"?
- only ate ham & cheese on white bread, cut in triangles, with mayo?
- believed that black people are stupider than white people?

This might be my new fun game. Your turn!

some of my hopes for vegas

1.

2. sitting poolside. are there pools in vegas, or is it just a mirage?

3. avoiding gambling but watching other people do it.

4. the fountains from oceans 11 (12?).

5. wearing sequins.

r.i.p.

britney & kfed
reese & ryan
selma blair & ahmed zappa
pam & kid rock
kate hudson & chris robinson

viva las vegas

fuck. need to buy tickets pronto.