commencements and endings

yesterday, I got dressed (cap & gown, Harry Potter-esque hood) and sprinted out into the rain to meet my friends for photos before "process-ing." My phone rang. Unidentified number. I let it go to voicemail. Midway through the most boring ceremony alive (is a 10minute Latin oration really necessary?), I remembered to check my voicemail. A wonderful man named Sam was calling to tell me I had been sent flowers, and to arrange delivery.

We took bets on who the flowers were from to kill time. The Man, perhaps? He did know I was graduating today, but we haven't spoken in weeks. K, who appreciates flowers as much as she appreciates shoes? Jolie, who sent me a text message that read "a special day for a special lady. congrats. i am so proud of u," and has a penchant for random gifts? Definitely not his style. The ExBoy, I secretly wished and hoped a little bit? This year has not turned out like I imagined it would. My parents and brother were not supposed to be at commencement yesterday; he was. They only booked their hotel a month ago, when it became real that he would no longer be coming and I would have no one. Now he's moving even farther away and I'm staying here and it's seriously over even though we promised that we could get through this year.

The flowers, an enormous gorgeous arrangement, were from my favorite aunt & uncle & cousins. I was embarassed at how quickly I tore open the card, how I had let myself believe that they would be from the ExBoy, how I was disappointed when they were not.

He called me last night, left me a congratulatory voicemail. It was nice of him, I would have been pleased that he remembered if not for the false hopes of the flowers earlier in the day.