Beetbabies

what i want for hannukah

2006-12-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

horoscope du jour

2006-12-10T07:46:00.001-05:00

You're likely to start the day focused on a few issues that need to be dealt with. But it should be a different story later in the day when you'll probably just want to have a little fun with some friends and loved ones. You should start feeling much more sociable and energetic as the day goes on, so try to enjoy some good times with those you care about tonight.

Factday Sundays

2006-12-10T00:43:00.000-05:00

remember Poetry Tuesdays?
here goes Factday Sundays (sort of a loose spin-off of my FAILED Summer of Knowledge)

The symbol on the 'pound' key (#) is called an octothorpe.

You inhale about 700,000 of your own skin flakes each day. (how many calories is THAT?!)

Maggots will only eat flesh if it is dead. For this reason, they are often used to remove the burnt skin from severe burn patients. (i haven't blogged about maggots in AGES. this was on an episode of House)

Ants don’t sleep.

According to U.S. FDA standards, 1 cup of orange juice is allowed to contain 10 fruit fly eggs, but only 2 maggots.

87% of statistics are made up.

half-dead-to-me

2006-12-10T00:35:00.000-05:00

so this is exceptionally odd, BUT--
when i go to log into blogger in a normal fashion, it continues to NOT allow me to access the blog
BUT, if I log in, go view the site, and click the pencil-icon to edit any particular post, and then hit another tab at the top to create a NEW post, i can get around the system and manage to get in and post.
SO, i vote it a big improvement!
hurrah for baby steps!

omg FINALLY!

2006-12-10T00:34:00.001-05:00

i think beta blogger is working for me FINALLY!!! i am IN the living room!!!

fabulous food find (low cal snack review)

2006-12-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

Health is Wealth All Natural Vegetarian Hot Tamale Munchees ("Classic Mexican Flavors in a Crispy Wheat Pocket").

Fan-freaking-tastic.

You get 6 of them for 160 calories (12-13 in a box), and they're amazing. A dab of sour cream and you're set. I also just really enjoy things that you can pop in your mouth and eat MANY of, because it feels like you're getting more bang for your buck and being more indulgent.

Also, they have a broccoli & cheese munchee flavor that is sitting in my freezer waiting to be tried.

Note, they're pretty good when microwaved but even better when cooked in the oven.

10 out of 10.

16 days

2006-12-09T11:07:00.000-05:00

perfect holiday card for the boy, your parents

2006-12-09T10:05:00.000-05:00

(TM)

to do

2006-12-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

Note: i don't know why you can't post! according to my computer, it says you should be able to! it forced me to switch to blogger beta.. do you think i can try to switch back?

1. revise resume
2. send cover letters
3. mfa fashion show
4. buy winter coat
5. go to gym
6. club monaco
7. holiday presents for friends, family

G, B, U (Again)

2006-12-08T18:16:00.000-05:00

The Good: They asked her to leave.

The Bad: They asked her to leave.

The Ugly: They asked her to leave.

G, B, U

2006-12-08T18:02:00.000-05:00

The Good: Andy Pettite is coming back to the Yankees.

The Bad: It's 6:03 and I'm drunk off one cup of hot cider with rum. Alone.

The Ugly: Found a dead baby mouse in a sticky trap in my kitchen (all limbs intact). Waiting for HeWhoIsNotMyBoyfriend to come dispose of it. Wishing I had added "Dead Mouse Removal" to Roommate's Boyfriend's List of Responsibilities (in addition to clarifying SKIM milk purchasing).

gor.geous.

2006-12-08T07:49:00.000-05:00

update

2006-12-08T07:36:00.000-05:00

did i tell you i went out the other night with S, Tyrant T (as my mom would call her), Bowtie Date, and TT's lesbian friend H?

overheard H leaning in and asking S:
So, my girlfriend and I debate this constantly. Who do you think is hotter, The Southerner or J?

i've never laughed so hard in my life than thinking about the two of them sitting around talking about the relative hotness of these boys.

whose writing do you prefer? kendra's or lindsay's?

2006-12-07T18:41:00.000-05:00

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she's done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.

But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I'd really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I'm willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to 'these people' trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I've lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn't hurt to ask. So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

NYE with niri!!!!!!!!!!

2006-12-06T20:37:00.000-05:00

just fyi

2006-12-06T08:01:00.000-05:00

there is no real update on my suspicions (SUSPICIONS), though they seem (note: SEEM) unconfirmed/ unfounded/ irrational.

he has been acting with 85% normalcy, though we have no longer been exchanging the "good night" phone calls or texts. or even good morning's for that matter. shit, this might be going downhill.

up in the air for tonight, potential hanging out as a group.

fuck.

r.i.p., continued

2006-12-06T07:59:00.000-05:00

jen and vince (i vote she should date john stamos)

rachel bilson & adam brody

...

let us take a moment of silence, please.

i heart still being part of the "College outreach" mailing list

2006-12-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

presents i received today from TST (and i hope you received the same!):

stuffed dreidel that, when you pull a string, dances
jumbo sized wooden dreidel
gelt
chanuka cookies in a cute cardboard box that can ALSO be turned into a dreidel

suspicions: TST wants me to be fat, and play dreidel

suspicion STILL looks wrong to me. even though it's right. how can something that feels so wrong still be right?

yesterday's nutstas

2006-12-05T15:57:00.000-05:00

yoplait whips! yogurt (160)
kiwi-strawberry snapple (220)
frozen chive potato (110)
polly-o string cheese (70)
lindt white chocolate ball (70)
generic non-sugar-coated ibuprofen (negligible, i assume)

total: 630

i realize some of these choices were questionable, but i MUST say i very much enjoyed my high-cal bottle of non-diet snapple.

best of metropolitan diary

2006-12-05T06:58:00.000-05:00

Dear Diary:

I had just moved from California to the Upper West Side, and was in a neighborhood store, purchasing some plants for my new apartment. In front of me in line were two older New York couples.

The wife of the first couple said to the man behind the counter: “Got anything for squirrels? I don’t want to kill them; I just want to scare them away.”

To which her husband replied: “I want to kill them. What do you have to kill them?”

The second couple, behind them, interjected, “Where do you live?” It was determined that they all lived within one city block of each other.

The next question: “What does your squirrel look like?” After some discussion, it was agreed that it was the same squirrel.

“That’s him,” wife No. 2 said. “He’s got a feisty stance, and beady eyes.” To which her husband then suggested: “Let’s kill him together.”

The man behind the counter said, “We’re not killing squirrels here, ladies and gentlemen. This is Manhattan. We all got to get along.”

Naomi Starkman

DEAR DIARY:

I was trying on clothes in Filene’s, on Broadway and 79th Street, when I overheard the following conversation between a mother and child in the next cubicle:

“I like this cage, Mom.”

“It’s not a cage, dear. It’s a dressing room.”

“You look great in that dress, Mom.”

“No, I’m not getting it. I don’t look good in pink.”

“But I love it. You could just wear it when we’re home alone.”

Eva Oppenheim

"a photo cd or a voice recording?"

2006-12-04T16:35:00.000-05:00

while i was home over thanksgiving, my mom told me she got a great fixed-rate CD with 5.5% APY at Wachovia, and she suggested I stop by the bank and put my money into a CD there. She also raved about how she had set up online bill-pay and now she could check and see how much her CD was making online. at her suggestion, i went over to Wachovia and did just that, and then returned home and excitedly told her about my CD. We discussed extensively last week while I was home.

Yesterday, I sent her an email:

To: Mom
From: CB
i just checked online, and my CD made $37 this month!!! i'm so excited!!!

She replied:

To: CB
From: Mom
the photos that were on that web thingy?
link me up!
wow!
love, mom

When I received her e-mail, I was perplexed, so I called her.
CB: "What's your email about?"
Mom: "That's so exciting about your CD! Was it a photo CD of those photos you have on the web from your birthday, or was it a voice recording?"
CB: "No, the CD I have from Wachovia that I put my money into last week, when I was home"
Mom: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that CD... I was thinking people had paid to purchase your photos on a CD or something!"
CB: "Hahahhahaha, no, my Certificate of Deposit!"
Mom: "You could have written out Certificate of Deposit and I still would have had no clue what you were talking about."

my favorite part is that she just took at face value that i had put out some sort of Compact Disc that had somehow gained me $37 in profits, and was just like "link me up! wow!"

nustas du jour

2006-12-04T07:59:00.000-05:00

elliptical, 60 mins

9 oz baked cauliflower (65)
with 1 tbsp of parmesan (20)
(my favorite snack ever)

campbell's italian wedding sip n go (90, recommend)

green mountain coffee in cinnamon cream swirl (delicious. ok, if you are going to be drinking coffee to stay up, you need some of this stuff!)

2 pieces yellowtail sashimi
2 pieces tuna sashimi
seaweed salad

3/4 slice of pizza with artichoke hearts, garlic, and chicken (i know, bad)

insomnia

2006-12-04T03:40:00.000-05:00

i can NOT fall asleep, i've been trying to go to sleep since midnight! this is clearly my fault because i've spent the past three days guzzling down as much caffeine as i could in order to study in 16-hour clips, but now i really can NOT fall asleep and i am not going to be happy when i have to get ready for class in 4 hours!
i have absolutely no tools with which to make myself fall asleep. coffee is FAR too effective on me. if i keep working i will NEVER get to sleep though, i am far too focused. i am WIDE awake like i have never been so wide awake.
WHERE is the genie when i especially need him to grant my superpower wish of always being perfectly tired when you want to fall asleep and perfectly wide awake when you want to wake up!

the GND never cease to crack me up

2006-12-04T00:08:00.000-05:00

So, in the episode of The Girls Next Door i saw tonight, Kendra decides that her immediate life goal is to obtain a Grill. Yes, like a rapper-style Grill that, personally, I had always thought was a sign that you had bad teeth. However, apparently Kendra (who has lovely teeth, or veneers as they may be), desperately wanted a platinum and diamond grill. (WHY? WHAT? Where is she going? Especially now that she's never doing a rap video again unless it's three 6 Mafia, bow wow, too short or Nelly!)
So she goes to the dentist and gets a mold done, and then has professional Grill Masters make her a mouthpiece-- which of course is studded out in pink and platinum, in the shape of playboy bunnies.
Kendra puts in her grill, flashes a hideous smile (Grills = NOT a hot look. Reference picture at left. Still continues to be not hot even on a cute girl.) Kendra announces, in her one-on-one camera confessional, that she loves it, and it makes her feel "Gangsta."
Could i POSSIBLY love this show more???

couple of the week

2006-12-03T16:07:00.000-05:00

i love them. the sitting on the couch thing brings tears to my eyes.

(but what do you think they mean by "his first date ever"?!)

it reminds me of the days of sex in the sound factory bathroom

2006-12-03T15:37:00.000-05:00

"What pussy-flashing pop star and mother of two got fucked in the bathroom of an after-hours party recently? Her family is said to be very concerned about her hard-partying ways and is mulling an intervention." ( via perez)

Aphrodisiac Professions

2006-12-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

1. Architect
(This boy would be your mother's dream. Last night he made me ooh and ahh by architect-name-dropping and showing me photos of houses he designed. Creative but financially stable. Architects = hot, tell your dad to watch out.)

2. Anything that requires a Blackberry, brown shiny shoes, and a suit.
(This is such an Electra Complex that I think I need to move on right away.)

to do today

2006-12-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

1. buy headphones for ipod since i somehow broke 2 of them.
2. go to gym.
3. meet M for post-lsat coffee.
4. go to mfa.
5. buy gym bag.
6. return j. crew sweater.
7. wine tasting with Roommate.
8. figure out wtf i want.
9. apply for 3 jobs (all in ny).
10. vacuum.

no words

2006-12-02T10:10:00.000-05:00

so so sorry for texting you last night! Hope I wasn't TOO much of a pain.

This situation is making me act like a crazy person. Met The Southerner and his roommates (not The Psycho) for a movie. He surprised me with yellow-cake Hostess cupcakes (obviously, best enjoyed with Diet Coke) but the whole time I wondered why he wasn't holding my hand.

Out to dinner, after the movie, during Sancerre and G&T's, we became enmeshed in one of Those Conversations.

Me: I hate how I've been acting lately, and I can't figure out why and I can't stop myself.
Him: Lots of things are up in the air for you now. You feel insecure. You feel unsettled.

Hard to hear, but true.

We sat there for hours. We closed down the restaurant.

But what I couldn't say, because I'm still too scared, and because I'm afraid of ruining things, and because I was too drunk to articulate it properly...

Yes. I'm not living the life that I thought I would be. Things ARE unsure, things are uncertain, things are up in the air. It DOES make me feel insecure. But this.. relationship is the embodiment of that. I hate having to worry about what to call you when I RSVP for my office Christms party, or what if my dad accidentally introduces you to someone as my boyfriend when we visit NY next weekend, or whether inviting you to do X activity is too "couple-y."

....

clearly, I still don't even know what I'm trying to say.

i freaking LOVE your new game!

2006-12-01T21:33:00.000-05:00

Would You Put Up With a Guy Who…
-Didn’t believe in hiring nannies
-Lied to you about his whereabouts
-While on a date at the Met, standing in front of a large painting in a crowded room of quiet admirers, spread his arms out and loudly said “Honey, what do you think, should we buy it?”
-Pushed you into a mailbox while belligerently drunk
-Made an anti-semitic remark
-Told you you were fat
-Made you hook up to a reggae CD, on repeat, over and over again
-Constantly discussed plans in a way where normal people understand plans have been made, but then broke said plans and acted as if they never existed
-“Slapp”ed you
-Looked like an alien
-Was a virgin
-Wanted to engage in phone sex/ cybersex/dirty talk over IM
-Had a very small penis
-Tried to talk you into a threesome with one of his friends
-Was sort of terrible in every other way except for being the best sex of your life
-Was lovely but was not very good in bed
-After hooking up, instead of walking you home himself, had one of his friends walk you home for him
-Used drugs
-Didn’t drink alcohol
-Was a Mormon
-Was a midget
-Was over a foot and a half taller than you
-Had a Pilonidal Cyst on his ass

celeb lookalikes

2006-12-01T19:03:00.000-05:00

From: Me
To: K

am suicidal because coworker just said the following to me (omg it's almost too bad to mention):

"has anyone ever told you that you look like..."

[so at this point i'm preparing myself for the people i've been told before.
penelope cruz.
katie holmes.
giadia de laurentis.
natalie portman.
even, ick, madonna.]

....

....

...

paris fucking hilton.

From: K
To: Me

thats terrible. im sorry. the girl i tutor just told me that someone
says she looks like raven symone (sp?) and cami from laguna beach. its
better to look like paris hilton than raven simon and cami.

i have heard many offensive you-look-likes. theyre usually a hair color or
racial match and nothing more. with you, im not sure what went wrong.

you look NOTHING like paris hilton.

we should come up with a standard thing to say back to people who offend us
with you-look-likes. how about: "thats so funny. i was just thinking that
you look exactly like al gore."

Would You Date A Guy Who...

2006-12-01T18:54:00.000-05:00

(...prompted by pondering my dealbreakers, what I've put up with in the past, what I'd be willing to work with and what I'd never be willing to settle for... This is in no particular order!)

Would You Date A Guy Who...
- expressed no interest in performing oral sex?
- was truly terrible at oral sex?
- maintained contact with his exgirlfriend?
- slept in the same bed as a roommate?
- cuddled with a fat girl named Maura while drunk?
- read your email clandestinely?
- wore charcoal-grey boxer briefs with bright red trim (aka QLU's, or Queer Little Underpants)?
- loved his mother so much he speaks to her every morning and every night?
- was 7 years older than you?
- was 13 years older than you?
- refused to call you his girlfriend?
- you didn't know if he was Asian or Jewish?
- wasn't Jewish?
- was the son of Catholic missionaries?
- went to therapy 1x a week and group therapy 2x a week?
- believed in aliens?
- liked hiking?
- one of your best friends didn't like?
- liked your hair better straight than curly? (Note, may only apply to me)
- liked you better in glasses than contacts? (Note, it may mean he is blind.)
- insisted he liked you better when you were "fatter"?
- only ate ham & cheese on white bread, cut in triangles, with mayo?
- believed that black people are stupider than white people?

This might be my new fun game. Your turn!

mk&ao take LAS VEGAS!

2006-12-01T15:55:00.000-05:00

may-june 2005: my first major tour of europe
august 2005: my first trip to las vegas
my discovery: who needs to trek throughout the globe, when one can find Paris, Venice, Egypt, Ancient Arabia, Medieval Europe, New York, the realm of Caribbean Pirates, the French Riviera, the Sahara desert, and Ancient Rome, all in the stretch of a mile! It's a trip across the globe and back in time!
The Jewel of the Desert, here we come!

some of my hopes for vegas

2006-12-01T08:04:00.000-05:00

1.

2. sitting poolside. are there pools in vegas, or is it just a mirage?

3. avoiding gambling but watching other people do it.

4. the fountains from oceans 11 (12?).

5. wearing sequins.

r.i.p.

2006-12-01T07:59:00.000-05:00

britney & kfed
reese & ryan
selma blair & ahmed zappa
pam & kid rock
kate hudson & chris robinson

viva las vegas

2006-12-01T07:05:00.000-05:00

fuck. need to buy tickets pronto.

RWD

2006-11-29T19:48:00.000-05:00

i just watched the first episode of real world denver, at your recommendation
it SO lived up to your scintillating synopsis!!!!!

To Do (Short-Term)

2006-11-27T08:04:00.000-05:00

1. Finish reading 'My Name is Red' for Book Club meeting tomorrow. And by finish, I mean start.

2. Buy Secret Santa present for our part-time accountant who I don't know AT ALL. Note that she is apparently allergic to anything scented- lotions, candles, etc. (I was thinking of buying a really pretty delicate tea cup and saucer at Anthro with a nice thing of tea. Thoughts?)

3. Work out. A lot.

4. Buy adorable baby clothes for my cousin's new daughter. Fantasize about having babies. Freak out about being pregnant. Repeat. Rinse. Lather.

5. Act like a totally normal person for 2 weeks, i.e. no DTR-talks whatsoever, no drama. This is part of The Plan. (I will explain The Plan in a later post.)

6. Send a package with the following items to Mali: peanut butter, vibrator, carbon paper (do they even still make this?), article about killing a dog in Mali.

7. Buy skim milk (for coffee, which I am allowed to drink even during a fast). This annoys me because Roommate's Boyfriend's only job (in the apt, not in life) is to buy milk. It's his "rent contribution." He actually does a very good job of it, and goes in the am to get milk if we're all out, but he seems to have bought 1% milk which makes me ill.

yum

2006-11-27T08:03:00.000-05:00

1. Seda France Nutmeg Vanille candle, smells just like a cup of chai tea.

Cures cravings and sweet t(ee)th?

TBD.

2. Grey cashmere H&M sweatpants, feel like a dream.

Will I ever take them off?

TBD.

i'm taking action

2006-11-27T07:11:00.000-05:00

i am ENORMOUS.

i'm fasting for the day to kick start my diet.

i refuse to be ugly in vegas.

kdubs updates her myspace profile

2006-11-27T00:42:00.000-05:00

Yessss this is the real kendra wilkinson and i just turned 21 yrs old. I was born and raised in the beautiful san diego california but ive been living in l.a for almost 3 yrs now. If you guys dont know, I love sports especially football. Chargers and the Eagles are my football teams, Padres r my fave baseball team, and the Sixers and Lakers r my fave basketball teams. The sports i love to play r softball, soccer, tennis, and golf but i also love to hike, and do outdoor activities. I love my life and i love laughing alot!! I try and look at everything in my life in the most beautiful way i can look at it. We have one life to live and i live mine the way i wanna live mine!! Im a very strong person but im also very sensitive. The reason why im sensitive is because i know i have a heart of gold and very caring and loving person but when people say evil things i get kinda emotional. Being where im at in my life (playboy mansion) and the show " Girls Next Door" has definitly changed my life and changed the things around me but that doesnt mean i changed inside... My number one priority in my life is my mom! She is the only i mean ONLY person in this world i trust and really love and if i had $1,000,000 i'd give it all to my mom cuz she deserves every penny of it and she deserves 100% of my love!! My grandma and Grandpa are also heroes in my life cuz they took over when my father just up n left me when i was about 4. Anyways, Yes i love hip hop but i also love country too!! it depends what kinda mood im in ya know?? but if i hear a good old school r&b song u know its over hahaha!! You know i can shake what i got and i think its the best exercise plus its hella fun haha!! I love Hef sooo much and he is the best guy in the world but something like this doesnt really last forever! my goals when i leave here are goin to school,and getting married by the age of 24 and having kids. I dont consider myself "famous" and i dont think i ever will! yeah i get way more attention now cuz of t.v but i think thats just being "known". I think i am one of those people that has a lil in common with everybody! im very spontaneous and outgoing. I love to party hard and i also love to sit around and watch t.v. Ive always had way more guy friends then female friends because i can relate to guys alot more. i love hangin out with my guy friends and checkin out girls w them, love camping, watchin n playing sports, drinkin beer,doin guy things but i love being a girl too, dressin up tryin to look purtee and goin out with my girls but i dont get my nails done cuz i think its a waste of time and money hahaha!!! anyways, the reason that i have a myspace is not for more publicity its to give u a better understanding of who i am and what im about. I hope yall r enjoying the show so far and like i say all the time, i really appreciate all the love from you guys it means the world to me!! if i had 20 hands i would write back to each and every comment but u know im reading everyone and smiling!! holla atcha girrrrl, KDUB

Dahling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue

2006-11-26T13:29:00.000-05:00

Him: What are you doing now?

Her: I'm walking the dog.

Him: Don't you pay someone to do that for you in the city?

Her: Smartass. What are you doing?

Him: Sitting in the front yard looking out at the horses. Oh, a cardinal just flew onto the chair next to me!

Her: Wow, you really do live in the country, don't you?

fan club nyc

2006-11-26T10:43:00.000-05:00

EVERY single time you come out with us in NYC, Roommate cries to me "When is Tarabeet going to move to New York!" and talks about how fun you are for days and days (because, of course, you ARE tons of fun)
although we really need to chill on the drunkfood (although our blogger password is really living up to its name)

priceless

2006-11-26T09:24:00.000-05:00

"wait, who is K?"

brilliant.

merci beaucoup.

such a fun night!

xoxo.

high school reunion

2006-11-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

so, i went to a five-year high school reunion last night, for a high school that i did not attend
interestingly, it was also not for the high school i did not attend but practically could have and would consider going to a reunion for (Dinosaur and Co.'s high school)
it was just the high school reunion for a bunch of my guy friends, and i must say, i had the time of my LIFE
i was the only person there who did not attend said high school (except for Roommate, who was busy making out with a guy in the corner and really missed the whole thing), but i really managed to have a great time and ran into lots of people i knew from college (who knew) and somehow made lots of friends and was really very popular at the not-my-high-school reunion and made a lot of friends and gave out my number to five different guys, one of whom looked just like Jason Wahler from Laguna Beach and it was oddly hot
J-Wahl-alike got into a brawl with Tall A and Tall A wound up having to be physically escorted out of the bar by the bouncer; it was like high school drama really coming out five years later.
my friend J also paraded me around the bar and introduced me to his entire high school class and everyone thought i was his girlfriend and i found it hilarious
Eventually at like 4 AM we headed home and Tall A walked me like 25 blocks to my apartment and then we had a heart to heart in my lobby where he poured his heart out about the most random shit ever and we had a very loud, serious, drunk deep discussion until around 5 AM my Roommate stumbled through the lobby door and cracked up laughing to see us there and we had a rousing reunion and then eventually went upstairs to bed
I currently have that great I-Drank-So-Much-Last-Night--but-I-Had-A-Great-Time feeling
nevermind the fact that i should be studying, i HEART not-my-high-school-reunions!

SEEKING ADVICE

2006-11-21T21:00:00.000-05:00

what do i want for christmas?
i have to pick things that can be purchased in a store, because my dad likes to go shopping at the mall for presents, and he won't order online/give gift certificates, he likes to wrap things for under the tree.
so far my list is:

The Girls Next Door Season One on DVD
Lottery Tickets

I actually also would really love a subscription to Zone Chefs but I think that's too expensive to ask for, and my dad won't be pleased it doesn't fit the "shop in the stores" criteria

So, pretty please help me decide what i want!

[ADDITION]
Obviously I know my previous post claimed I wanted a cupcake tree. However, at this point in my life it would go unused, as I never make cupcakes. It's more something I want for when I have children and I picture myself baking them cupcakes. I picture myself registering for it on my wedding registry, perhaps.

i want my own cupcake tree!

2006-11-21T20:08:00.000-05:00

another victory for my only political cause

2006-11-21T17:55:00.000-05:00

thank god for the internet

2006-11-21T17:53:00.000-05:00

well, PHEW:

(11-21) 13:24 PST New York (AP) --

The O.J. Simpson project is dead, but the book and the TV interview could turn up in bootleg form in this age of YouTube and eBay, when scandalous information seldom stays secret for long.

A two-part interview had been scheduled to air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29 on Fox, with the book, "If I Did It," to follow on Nov. 30.

HarperCollins spokeswoman Erin Crum said some copies had already been shipped to stores but would be recalled, and all copies would be destroyed. She would not say how long that would take.

But with the interview already taped, and thousands of books either sitting in warehouses or headed to booksellers, his supposedly hypothetical account of how he would have committed the murders of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman appears all but certain to surface.

"A book becomes collectible when it's hard to find, and this will become very, very collectible, surely worth four figures," said Richard Davies, a spokesman for AbeBooks.com, an online seller that specializes in used and collectible books.

It's entirely possible that the Simpson TV interview will get out in some form, said Jeff Jarvis, operator of the BuzzMachine Web log and a journalism professor at City University of New York.

"All life is on the record now," he said. "Anything you can do can get out there and get out there quickly."

friends in blog places

2006-11-21T17:34:00.000-05:00

my high school friend, A, has been invited to Heather the Intern (of Gawker)'s holiday party, theme-titled:
BLOGMUKKAH

jobs i would want if i weren't going to be a lawyer

2006-11-20T23:16:00.000-05:00

doctor
infectious diseases researcher (i might need my MD and PhD for this)
reform rabbi
kristin veitch from E! Online's job
television show review-er
zagat's restaurant rater
one of the people who reads books and decides whether they should be made into movies
restaurateur
baker
QVC (or other home-shopping-channel) saleswoman
professional scrapbooker
book review-er
university president
author
television producer
fruit breeder (like a scientist who breeds new types of fruit using cross-breeding technologies)
game inventor
toy inventor
doll-clothes designer
waitress at the american girl place restaurant
gossip columnist
night club owner
inventor of delicious, low-calorie food products
medical anomalies expert
socialite
heiress
worker at the crayola crayon factory

more FANTASTIC news

2006-11-20T22:43:00.000-05:00

turns out-- same day veronica mars and one tree hill were picked up for full seasons, girls next door was renewed for a full third season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this brings me SUCH joy, such joy

to do list

2006-11-20T22:13:00.000-05:00

TO DO:
-clean room
-get over sociopath
-lose 10 lbs
-maintain scholarship by excelling at finals
-obtain and watch Season 1 of the Girls Next Door on DVD
-pass bar exam
-get married
-have kids
-retire

much like we will never know how opal mehta got kissed, got wild and got a life, we will now also never know "if i did it, here's how"

2006-11-20T21:40:00.000-05:00

must upsetting book cancellation since viswanathan

i mean, i get that it was in poor taste, but border's was going to donate all proceeds to charity!

and, of course, i was DYING to know

"a long fun great day huh huh!!!"

2006-11-20T21:26:00.000-05:00

this is the blog entry from kendra wilkinson's myspace page that she referenced on an episode of Girls Next Door but then removed--

My first rap video
Current mood: pissed off

I made a BAD MISTAKE when i agreed to be in a music video with EMINEM!! Why would i think doin my first music video with Eminem would be soooo tight?? i have no idea why cuz i never liked him in the first place but getting the so called opportunity was something i wouldnt pass up which was a bad mistake hahaha!!

The reason for me doing the video wasnt for the money, it was to make all my fans happy that i finally did a rap video cuz we all know how much i talk about how much i wanna be in one..right?? well im getting right to the point by saying it was probably the worst experience of my life!!

It all started off really cool when my best friend Brittany came up just to support me and cheer me on but not to mention her obsession over Eminem was also what made her drive all the way up for the day. When we first got there everyone like Akon came to say hi and greeted us. So i was so happy cuz it seemed like a start to a fun great day but a long fun great day huh huh!!

So about ten hours later(waiting in a cafeteria) i finally get my call to come in and shoot the scene with eminem. I was lookin the hottest of the hot(not conceided) and i was ready to go with my hair all done and everything, sooo happy. so we start by doing some warmups and i was dancing my ass off(literally) cuz it was my time to shine in front of David Banner, Lil Zane, and a couple other rappers and 100s of people.D eveyone was lovin my dancing and makin me feel good. Then Eminem walks in the room lookin like hes overdosing on drungs. We met and he was really nice to begin with and he was saying things like how he watches the show and how he got our issue of playboy and he wants me to sign it so i was very flattered and happy. Then we start doing our scene and everything is goin good until we go on a break. I went over to sit on the couch to rest a lil bit and i started talking to this really nice guy. Next, i look over and see Eminem walkin towards me. I smile and say "whats up?", he takes out a bottle of water and pours it all over me!!! There goes my makeup, there goes my hair, there goes my tears, and there goes my first rap video!!! Yes i charged at him to knock him out, only got him a lil bit though cuz of his big ass body guard that was in my way.

All i have to say about this is I feel way more sorry for him than i do hate him over this!! even though i yelled out probably 100000 times i hate him haha!! He has to act like a 5 yr old lil kid by pouring water on me to make himself feel better about his sad life. Everyone like Akon came over to make me feel better and that was really cool of them but inside i was dying!! i was so embarrassed and humiliated! So many people after that said they will never support him anymore and they will never listen to him anymore!! Hef felt sooo bad for me and was sooo pissed at Eminem, Hef HATES him now haha!!

So i lived and i learned right?? I will never do a rap video again unless its three 6 mafia, too short, bow wow, or nelly!!! Nelly was so nice to me by sending me a letter along with an autograhed jersey and pimpjuice the day after this eminem video so now im happy again haha!!

So all i can woder is why why why???? maybe he was loaded on drugs, maybe i reminded him of Kim, maybe he hates me..who knows!! all i know is i didnt do anything to him to make him do this to me. So im movin on with my life and putting this in the past but please dont buy any music from him anymore hahahahaa jk!! love u all and thanks for watching the show and listening to my sad story haha!! Peace

KDUB

E-Mail of the Day

2006-11-20T20:42:00.000-05:00

To: CB
From: J

I was just home for my brother's concert and a "family meeting" about how my aunt and uncle are getting divorced and my cousin was secretly created with a donation from a sperm bank......how weird.

One Sided

2006-11-20T19:51:00.000-05:00

Remember, a couple of weeks ago, when I said I had to talk to you? And then we put it off because your parents were coming to town, because we didn't want conflict, because we slept together, because things were going so well?

Yeah, then. I think we still need to talk.

I know, we we were just going to spend the night cooking and watching a movie and having sex. It was going to be our own private Thanksgiving, since we can't spend the holiday together. It still can be... but later.

I know, it sounds worse than it is, really. It always sounds bad, when someone says they need to talk. But I do. Need to talk, I mean.

I guess it's been a few things that have made me realize that I need to do this.

Well, like last Friday, for example. When I came home after sharing a bottle of Sancerre with Z, who had been in Argentina for two months, and you met me here. We talked about our nights, and you asked if I had told Z "about us." It was dark, so maybe you couldn't see how I wrinkled my face, and it was late, so maybe you couldn't hear that I wasn't just kidding when I said quietly, "Well, what would I tell her?"

No, really, what would I tell her? You and I have been sleeping together exclusively? We've been dating, we've been making each other laugh, we've been text messaging all day long, we've been fucking eachother, we haven't been fucking other people?

Or a couple of weeks ago, when we were walking back from the bar, when I ran away dramatically, slowly, so you would catch me. And everyone else walked ahead of us, beating us to your house by half an hour, but we ambled down side streets and not-so-shortcuts so we could finish our conversation, and you worried about whether my new boots were hurting my feet. (They weren't. I might be stronger than you think.) You yelled at me then, "It's like you're always just waiting for me to fuck you over! Like you interpret everything I do like this might be it, this might be the time I fuck you over." And you were so right. I do. I am. You reassured me that you care about me, that you like me, that you have fun with me.

But I feel like that's not enough to make me feel sure. I don't generally think of myself as an insecure person. Really, I don't. But this lack of clarity around... us... it makes me feel unsure. It makes me act like a person I don't want to be.

And also? You've said to me, offhandedly, at least three times. "I'm worried about this moving too fast." I just want to understand, for you, what does "too fast" mean? What is the right speed?

No, I'm really not angry with you.

I'm not! I just want to understand.

I have such a good time with you. You know that. I hope you know that. You should know that. It's not even that I want things to change! I don't know what I want, except to know more about what this is, how you see this.

Are we like X and Y?

No, it's a serious question. Are we?

Well, how are we not? We sleep together, we hang out, we like spending time together...

I'm not trying to be difficult. How are we not just fuck buddies? Or buddies who fuck?

Fine, then what are we?

Really, I want to know! In your opinion, what are we?

I have no idea! We act in ways that, in past relationships, I would act if I were someone's girlfriend. We talk every morning and every night, we text during the day, I've met your parents, I talk about you to mine, we hold hands in the park, you kiss me on the cheek in front of people and stand to greet me when I enter the room, you rearrange seats so you can sit next to me...

I know I'm not your girlfriend. So what am I?

the sociological study of the year

2006-11-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

TB: when IS xmas
CB: in response to "when is xmas" are you asking for an answer alternative to december 25th?
TB: i didnt know it was the 25th!
CB: christmas is december 25th every year
TB: who knew
CB: HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
omg that is the best thing i've ever heard
TB: does EVERYONE know this
no, really
CB: i mean, you could take an informal poll
TB: hmm ok
CB: i thought it was common knowledge, but i could be wrong
this is a fun idea actually
i see a blog entry
poll on who knows when christmas is
i heart polls
this is so fun
TB: taking a poll
CB: me too
when is christmas?

****and thus, the poll was born****
please note what repsonses convey about various personalities

SURVEY SAYS:

Jenny: is this a trick questrion?
CB: no
Jenny: dec 25
Jenny: there IS a debate about the anniversary of christ's birth
Jenny: i remember this from my catholic school days

Amy: um
Amy: dec. 25?
Amy: this seems like a trick question
Amy: there is greek orthodox christmas on like, Jan 8 or something

Alan: dec 25th i think
CB: can you please elaborate further on the "i think" aspect of your response
Alan: ????
Alan: well i count it as the 24th sometimes becuase it is that night midnight mass
Alan: and x-mas eve
Alan: i know technically it is the 25th but more shit takes place on the night of the 24th
Alan: what is this quiz for

Simone: december 25. ure probably not serious about it. but..... i'd like to take part of a poll
CB: SO pleased you are taking part in the poll!!!
Simone: haha
CB: my friend didnt know when christmas was
we're having a poll to determine whether or not its common knowledge
Simone: oh my!!! well i had the same issue w a friend last week
CB: really? do tell!
Simone: he was like 'when is xmas anyway? dec 23? 24?" i was shocked ;)
CB: oooh that is interesting, my friend gets a point for that!!

Marla: december 25th
TB: you sure?
Marla: is this a trick question?
Marla: like, when is christmas or when was jesus actually born?
Marla: but yes, i feel pretty sure about 12/25

TB: IF YOU HAD TO GUESS
when would you say xmas is
Jake: what the hell do you mean
Jake: christmas is dec 25 dork head
Jake: what day of the week do you mean?
Jake: why are you polling me.

CB: hahahahah i love how EVERYONE is like "is this a trick question?"
TB: i KNOW
CB: i love how all of our friends really dont want to potentially be outsmarted by the trick question and think of all sorts of scholarly possibilities
TB: i know, they're so smart
CB: our friends are so smart: Christmas or Christmas Day is an annual day that celebrates the birth of Jesus. It is traditionally observed on December 25. Eastern Orthodox Churches celebrate it on January 7, which corresponds to December 25 of the Julian calendar. These dates are merely traditional;
Amy called the greek orthodox calendar aspect and jenny and marla called the debate-as-to-his-actual-birth aspect
CB: i think everyone's response to this poll says a lot about them
CB: its practically a personality survey
CB: some people get very defensive
TB: SUCH a personality survey
CB: some people are very paranoid they are being asked a trick question
TB: lol
CB: i practically want to conduct a sociological survey using this poll as my thesis
CB: if i could go back to college...
CB: and major in sociology
CB: this would be my thesis
TB: YES
TB: fabulous thesis
TB: how do people respond when they think the wool is being pulled overr eyes
CB: in fact, part of the sociological study could involve slipping phrases such as "pull the wool over their eyes" and "upset the apple cart" into the paper itself
TB: yes!
TB: but i think there is an actual psych study
TB: i learned about this in psych101
TB: when i wasn't staring at brd
TB: how do people respond when they KNOW something to be right (ie a seemingly obvious fact)
TB: but everyone around them says it's wrong
TB: whether they stick up for it or not
TB: it's like in nazi germany
CB: in related news, apparently alan didnt know when valentines day was until his sophomore year of college

shut up and sing

2006-11-20T07:11:00.000-05:00

i LOVED this movie.

places i want to travel to (soon)

2006-11-20T06:54:00.000-05:00

1st timers...
buenos aires
prague
venice

une autre fois...
la
san fran
paris

in re smooshed fruit

2006-11-20T06:51:00.000-05:00

they're the organic, 35 calorie version of old-school fruit leather. i love them. (fyi, i think only apricot is 35 calories and the other flavors are 40.)

another study that proves what we might have already known

2006-11-19T19:30:00.000-05:00

Men bad for women's waistlines

Women who cohabit may put on weight as a consequence

A UK obesity expert has analysed why it is that women who move in with their man often put on weight as a result.

Eating man-sized portions and indulging in richer foods and wines can lead to weight gain, a review in The Lancet medical journal says.

When you combine that with going on the contraceptive pill or having babies, a woman's waistline can severely suffer, says author Dr David Haslam.

"Men are very bad for women really," he said.

If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event...you may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff
Dr Haslam

He said research showed women tend to gain weight once they cohabit and begin to share meals with men who intrinsically have higher energy needs and therefore appetites.

"If you are eating with a partner the evening meal is a social event and its no longer just filling a gap. You may eat more and maybe more extravagant stuff."

The weekly shopping list may change from the basic fruit and veg to include indulgent treats.

Couples may go out to restaurants for meals more often.

Women may do less exercise when they are in a relationship, skipping a trip to the gym to spend quality time with their partner.

Multiple insults

The contraceptive they chose to use can also have an impact.

The Pill, taken by 3.5 million British women, has been associated with a slight weight gain among some users, on average 4lb in the first three months.

Repeated pregnancies can also lead to weight gain.

"Each individual factor for weight gain is serious enough but put them all together and you can get a significant increase," said Dr Haslam.

Societal changes mean women may be less physically active than their great-grandmothers were, doing less housework thanks to time-saving gadgets, getting partners to share the load or paying others to do it for them.

Some studies have shown that married couples gain weight while those who divorce lose weight.

Dr Haslam stressed that it was important not to generalise and that being in a relationship had numerous positive influences and gains too.

He said the important thing was for individuals to look at their own lifestyles and make healthy changes if they needed to.

Obesity has been shown to decrease life expectancy by seven years at the age of 40.

sunday nustas

2006-11-19T18:17:00.000-05:00

run 45 minutes,
elliptical 10 minutes

coffee
water
tea

2 faux-sausages, 80
amy's chunky tomato bisque, (SO AMAZING), 1 c, 120
dr praeger's broccoli pancake, 60
10 pieces of popcorn, ?
100 calorie balance bar, 100
slice of american cheese, 50
10 saltines, 120
smooshed, 35

the doctor is in

2006-11-19T17:34:00.000-05:00

omg i am LOVING dr praeger's broccoli pancakes.

DELICIOUS.

run, don't walk

2006-11-19T08:55:00.000-05:00

to this (new to me) blog

(Harvard was never as much fun when I was there...)

celui-ci, ou celui-la?

2006-11-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

gym bags...

I refuse to get that Puma bag that everyone and their mother has. It is SO hard to find a gym bag that holds enough stuff. I saw a girl in the locker room with a gorgeous red leather crocodile-ish one, but she was too naked to approach and inquire.

Revival of an old feature: Highlights from the NYT Wedding Pages

2006-11-19T08:47:00.000-05:00

I love this man:

The tone of Mr. Beaumont’s e-mail messages also turned much more personal: “I woke today happy and full of anticipation of our first date,” he wrote. “I value the friendship that we have created and hope it will grow into something truly special, full of romance and love, butterflies, family, adventure, happiness and most of all, a deep friendship that has no boundaries.”

When I read the paper version of the NYT this morning (my greatest luxury besides my fancy gym), I started out thinking this girl was hysterical and also that I sort of related. Chopped her food up into small pieces! Love it! But then I listened to the video-version, and good god, she is annoying. (See link)

Ms. Genser and Mr. Burkhoff met online in July 2001, and after four years of dating, Ms. Genser was certain Mr. Burkhoff was going to pop the question on five occasions last year.

The first was a Yankee game in October 2005 without a proposal.

Strike 1.

Then there was a marathon Mr. Burkhoff ran in Washington that month — but the only thing waiting for Ms. Genser at the finish line was her tired marathoner.

A few weeks later they vacationed in Miami.

They became tan, but not engaged.

Then they attended a Neil Diamond concert, but the singer was the only diamond Ms. Genser saw that night.

“I knew she was expecting something,” Mr. Burkhoff said. “So to ensure an element of surprise, I had to keep throwing her off track.”

On New Year’s Eve, the suspense continued.

The night began with drinks at the Waldorf, but Ms. Genser found no ring at the bottom of her wine glass. At dinner in Mr. Burkhoff’s apartment, she cut her food into small pieces. Again, no hidden ring. They played Scrabble, but there was no ring in the bag of letters.

old people and the internet; it never gets old

2006-11-18T19:19:00.000-05:00

my stepmom's away message, 11/18/06:

Auto response from Stepmom: Out for the evening, hopefully having lots of fun! Go Yankees!!!
Note: AOL member profiles are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger.

cause for celebration!

2006-11-18T15:14:00.000-05:00

one tree hill and veronica mars have both been picked up for full-seasons!!!!!!!!!!!!

mystery salad portion estimation

2006-11-16T21:24:00.000-05:00

so, Mystery Salad comes from one of those places where they make your own salad based on the ingredients you request--
So the standard size tub of lettuce (all three of the places where I get salads have the same one-size option), and then they use tongs to dole out your ingredients, essentially giving you a "Scoop" of each requested item.
I would estimate a scoop consists of somewhere between 1/4 and 1/2 cup of each item, depending on how generous the particular guy who's making your salad is.
As for the dressing, they squirt it out of a plastic container and then mix it all around, so it's pretty hard to say how much.
This is the problem with the mysterious calorie content of said salad.
I kind of want to take one of the salads and then do a scientific experiment to calculate the calories, but unfortunately it sounds complicated and I'm not sure quite how.
Here is what the Internet has taught me so far:

The amount of food energy in a particular food could be measured by completely burning the dried food in a bomb calorimeter, a method known as direct calorimetry [1]. However, the values given on food labels are not determined this way, because it overestimates the amount of energy that the human digestive system can extract, by also burning dietary fiber. Instead, standardized chemical tests and an analysis of the recipe are used to estimate the product's digestable constitutents (protein, carbohydrate, fat, etc.). These results are then converted into an equivalent energy value based on a standardized table of energy densities:

food component	energy density
food component	kcal/g	kJ/g
fat	9	37
ethanol (alcohol)	7	29
proteins	4	17
carbohydrates	4	17
organic acids	3	13
polyols (sugar-free sweeteners)	2.4	10

It looks like this would also require some sort of laboratory...

food for thought?

2006-11-15T23:17:00.000-05:00

i was watching reruns of the simple life season one on E! last night, and i had FORGOTTEN what nicole looked like back in the day.... she looked like a different PERSON... she also looked a whole lot trashier...
so flashing back, to nicole back in the day

i've been noticing...

2006-11-15T07:44:00.000-05:00

... your dr praeger's products... fish sticks, pancakes, etc.

review?

worth it to order online?

xo

ding dong the witch is (almost) dead

2006-11-15T07:09:00.000-05:00

The Crazy One is currently looking for alternate living situations.

wahoo.

hilarious things overheard on the latest GND

2006-11-15T00:32:00.000-05:00

this homely middle-aged exercise video producer who was directing holly, bridget and kendra's Girls Next Door workout video kept trying to speak to them in a way she thought they would relate to or something, and it was the most horrendous and hilarious thing i've EVER heard (i've watched this episode 5 times since the first time it aired three days ago, i LOVE THIS SHOW!)
Quotes from the dumpy producer woman:

"Five minutes to booty blastoff!"
"Check out some of your dance moves-- Krumpalicious!"
"Stop 'em and say, talk to the hand!"
"Hip hop bunny-- you wanted on the set!"

tb nustas

2006-11-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

1 cup of coffee
not enough water (just a few glasses)
large diet pepsi

we went out for lunch at work, to a pressed sandwich place (no other options). i had:
pressed sandwich with various italian meats/cheeses/balsamic
pickle spear
i'll guess the total at around 650

garden burger black bean chipotle burger, 80
slice of cheese, 50
1/2 tbsp ketchup, 10
vanilla caramel crisp balance bar, 100

run 30,
elliptical 30.

all things considered, i think i did okay.
estimated calories in = 1030

from niri's myspace

2006-11-14T21:12:00.000-05:00

It just doesnt stop...

So i gain a little bit of weight, and im acussed of having a gastric bypass surgery reversed? Its pathetic of Page Six to insinuate i have done this. Anyone that knows anything about this surgery would know that legally, you must be AT LEAST 100 pounds overweight to even have the surgery done, and is a serious, life changing procedure; not one to throw around as a joke or a rumor. Ive given a statement I am in the process of putting on weight, and that should be enough. Its a shame to hear that instead of hearing supportive words, someone needs to spin it into some negative, absurd way

the one and only political cause i care about

2006-11-14T17:47:00.000-05:00

huge strides being made in the one political cause i really care about
so exciting!

new plan

2006-11-14T15:58:00.000-05:00

NEW PLAN:
Step 1) Acquire bottle of 50 ml Oxytocin (shown above)
Step 2) Acquire syringe (should be easy to obtain from my crazy allergist), if they don't sell them at the sketchy online marketplace from which I order the Oxytocin
Step 3) Call nurse friend H and ask for directions on giving injection and dosage information
Step 4) Arrange rendezvous with the sociopath, while bringing syringe full of Oxytocin
Step 5) Somehow inject him with Oxytocin without him seeing. This will probably be difficult and might involve getting him blackout drunk so I can just stab him with the needle and have him not remember
Step 6) Wait for him to develop love and attachment to me. (Do you think he needs a COURSE of injections?)

Do you think this is illegal? I'm going to go with "probably." At the very least, it's assault.

If this works, I've officially invented a Love Potion and it could be worth millions

this shouldn't come as a shock since we are both currently convinced we are in love with people who we rationally know to be wildly inappropriate

2006-11-14T08:10:00.000-05:00

During sex, women secrete a hormone called oxytocin. This is the same hormone that we experience when we are nursing our babies. Some experts refer to oxytocin as the attachment hormone, because this hormone causes us to both relax and connect with the person we are with. In the aftermath of sex, we relax and commit to our sex partners. While we are nursing, we relax and connect with our babies.

In both these situations, oxytocin, the bonding hormone, has survival value. Connecting with our babies helps us to take pleasure in being with them and caring for them, even at times when it wouldn't ordinarily be very pleasant, (like in the middle of the night.) Connecting with our sex partners increases the chances that we will stay together long enough to raise the baby to adulthood.

For men, the pathways to bonding are a little different. We have all heard, ad naseum, actually, the argument that men and women have distinct mating strategies. Men seek to impregnate as many women as possible, and invest as little as possible in each child, while women seek to nurture each child to full maturity. We are less familiar with the obvious point that men must compete for women.

Women prefer men who will be faithful providers for them and their children. Women's strategy compels men to be more faithful, less philandering than they would otherwise like to be. The man's strategy places him at war with himself. The evolutionary payoff for men to settle down with particular women is the assurance that the children he invests in are indeed his own. At least one psychologist argues that jealousy helps men to connect with their sexual partners. Possessiveness helps the man settle down.

A man doesn't feel jealous or possessive toward every woman he sees, or even toward every woman he finds attractive. He feels jealous over women he has had sex with. This feeling of jealousy is in some ways a nuisance for the woman. She might feel that the man is trying to control her activity, or even her thoughts and feelings. And make no mistake about it: men do sometimes go over the line and become obsessively jealous, even dangerously jealous. But, one thing is for sure. A woman knows that she matters to a guy who gets jealous.

Possessiveness is the dark side of male attachment. The bright side of the very same tendency to attach is loyalty. Men are capable of heroic loyalty, to their wives and children, to their teams, companies and countries. Our culture indulges in so much male-bashing that we sometimes overlook this salutary fact about the male half of our species.

All this makes perfect biological sense. This is Mother Nature's way of making sure we stick together long enough to have fun, make a baby, and then work together long enough to raise the baby to adulthood.

This tendency to attach to each other means that in a very real sense, causal sex isn't even possible. There is a reason guys come unhinged when they find out their "friend with benefits" has another friend. There is a reason girls sit by the phone, wondering whether the guy they hooked up with the previous night will ever call them again. The basic desire to connect with our sex partners is built into our physiology.

Meet The Parents

2006-11-14T07:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, I did.

Well, actually, I really only met his father. (Mom was sick and stayed at the hotel.)

sort of anticlimactic, in truth.

Evil T was there, too, so I was distracted by her presence, not working perhaps as hard as I should to wow/woo him.

He was nice, he was funny, he made some wildly inappropriate jokes (dirty humor, not racist) and cracked me up. I liked watching The Southerner interact with him, because they're incredibly close, and he seems so comfortable. For the record, I'm adding to the list of things I want in a guy: "Has a great relationship with his parents."

recent nicole richie thinspo pictures absolutely gorgeous can i please be her

2006-11-14T07:45:00.000-05:00

it began with an email exchange

2006-11-14T07:39:00.000-05:00

CB: WHICH young Hollywood starlet had secret gastric bypass surgery, but then lost too much weight? During a recent four-day stint at a health clinic, she was actually having an operation to remove the bypass.
this is nicole

i had heard rumors about this once, thoughts?

TB: no way!

no doctor would do gastric bypass on her and she clearly is skinny
from doing coke and clenbutrol!

...right?

CB: hmmm i don't know, she WAS chubby before, i've heard rumors of this...
of course related, do you think clenbuterol works?

i was sure. but cb had raised questions.

After staying only 72 hours at Beau Monde, the $80,000 a month treatment center in Newport Beach, where she reportedly went for help with an eating disorder on October 26th, Nicole Richie checked herself out claiming that she wanted to go shopping. Later that night, Nicole Richie passed out at the L.A. club, Hyde, where witnesses say she was partying with Lindsay Lohan. The staff members at the facility insisted that Richie stay, but she refused. A source says:

Nicole is in complete denial and oblivious to how sick she really is."

Two years ago, Nicole Richie was a chubby mess on The Simple Life. Then one day, apparently because of an eating disorder, she was skinny. But, the thing is, you don't lose 50 pounds overnight by being an anorexic. You lose 50 pounds overnight because of gastric bypass surgery. Just like her ex-boyfriend, DJ A.M., did (he lost 150 pounds due to the surgery). The rumor is that Nicole Richie checked herself in not because she has an eating disorder, but because she had gastric bypass surgery and now can no longer put on any weight at all, even if she tries. This horrible tragedy would keep me up at night if I cared. Wait, let me check....nope, still don't. (from http://www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2006/11/nicole-richie-is-committed.html

my verdict? i don't buy it. i think it was a mix of cocaine and clenbutrol (which, yes, DEFINITELY works). if you look at her body (clavicle, ribs, etc), i think it's just a much more compelling argument. regardless, she looks SO INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS AND PERFECT right now, i will post pics in a sec.

top 10 favorite low calorie foods at the moment

2006-11-13T21:21:00.000-05:00

1. gardenburger riblets. if you haven't tried these, you are seriously missing out. somehow they fit an insane amount of bbq sauce into 290 calories, and i swear to god, i like them better than real ribs.
(fyi, it's too much of a pain to get them out of the bag once it's microwaved; i like to just dump it all out into a bowl and then nuke it for 4 minutes.)

2. sesmark cracked wheat and sesame savory thins. these are great with low-cal cheese or even alone, 15 crackers for 110 calories is pretty unbeatable, too.

3. balance bar in vanilla caramel crisp flavor, only 100 calories, salty and sweet all at once.

4. shirataki noodles- then, now, forever. seriously i don't know how anyone could live without these. 40 calories in a bag; i haven't made pasta in months. (for the record, i eat pasta when i go out, i'm not insane, i just would never touch the stuff when i could have shirataki instead.)

4. miso soup, 35 calories,
&
5. organic vegetable broth from whole foods, 10,

both are fantastic with shirataki noodles in them, as a sort of homage to chicken noodle soup.

6. lean cuisine bbq chicken pizza, 290 calories and it's freakin' amazing.

7. wheat thin chips 100 calorie packs, oldie but goodie.

8. boca burger breakfast links, 70 calories for 2 links.

9. coffee, a sort of disgustingly good appetite suppressant.

10. laughing cow light cheese, 50 calories. again, oldie but goodie. i like to eat one of these before i head out the door to work out in the am (protein?).

back on the nustas wagon, day 1

2006-11-13T20:57:00.000-05:00

1 cup coffee
2 cups h20
giant bottle of seltzer (i.e. = 4 glasses of water)

fage yogurt, 80

shirataki fettucini, 40, in...
... organic creamy tomato soup, 10 (because i had about two bites before i realized it had definitely gone bad).

3 crackers, 22
1 slice of cheese, 50

tall skim latte with caramel shot, 140

baked califlower, 6 oz, 40, with...
2 sprays of olive oil, 10, and..
1 tbsp shaved parmesan, 20

balance bar, vanilla caramel crisp, 100

graham cracker, 55, with...
2 tbsp cool whip lite, 15

multivitamin

run 30
elliptical 52

TOTAL IN = 582

Things I Don't Remember

2006-11-13T01:25:00.000-05:00

Things I have allegedly done while blacked out that I heard about from others (Begging the question of, what have I done that I haven't been notified about?) that are mostly probably very dangerous:

Done body shots of tequila off of strangers

Been molested and absconded with by strange guys who claim to be my "Best guy friend from Penn." Near-miss of being molested/raped thanks to TB, who saved the day and physically came to pick me up and rescue me from Creepy Guy. (As Creepy Guy was shooing me out of the bar, Tall A tried to stop him and he told Tall A he was my best guy friend from Penn, Jon, and was taking me home because I was sick. When Tall A reported this to TB, she informed him that I did not have a best guy friend Jon from Penn. Tall A called to inquire and I slurred to him that "I'm with Jon, my best guy friend from Penn, it's okay!" Bewildered, Tall A handed the phone to TB, who demanded to know who the hell I was with. "I have no idea," I confessed.) Then the duo, who are fabulous friends to me, came to my rescue.
Lost my shoes and my keys
Left Roommate 39 belligerent and exceptionally mean voicemails demanding to know why she was "Fucking me over" and "How could she do this to me" and accusing her of stealing the keys that I had lost
Bawled out one of my best guy friends' girlfriends when she complimented me on my necklace. "It's a MEDALLION," I reportedly snarled, "And it's part of my DRESS." (My drunken anger probably stemmed from the fact that I sort of have a crush on her boyfriend, but I feel so awful that I was mean to her, because she's sweet, and it's not her fault I was jealous.)
Was groped and humped over my clothes while passed out on a pull-out bed in a room full of people at the Jersey Shore, by a guy who I made out with in a closet once when I was 15. (But the aforementioned molestation took place when I was age 22. There were many witnesses. It is unclear why no one stopped this intrusive behavior.)
Had re-sex with the Sociopath after six months (and once you do it blacked out, why not do it sober, right?)
"Dined and Ditched," possibly-- aka Roommate and I went to a diner and definitely ate some sort of late-night meal, but came home without any less cash in our pockets... We have not been back to that diner since, in the event we are on the Most Wanted list
Asked two of my best guy friends if they would please gangbang me in the bathroom
Tried to lie down in one of my friends' vomit, in the middle of a bar, after the both of us had puked all over the place (Luckily someone stopped me.)
Puked all over the backseat of a cab, and a little bit on Roommate, and a LOT on myself
Ate very spicy Mexican food and didn't even notice that it was fiery hot. (This is VERY unlike me. I HATE spicy food.) I then left the Mexican place holding a Margarita in a glass and was chased down by a busboy who demanded its return
Allegedly cut a large line for a bathroom, gushing to everyone who was waiting that I LOVED them, just LOVED them
Proposed marriage to the Alien. This still humiliates me. I also allegedly implored to him, "But why aren't we going out? Why?" Sadly none of the witnesses who heard this can report a response
Managed to have the knowledge and foresight to know that I was going to puke, walk by myself to the grocery store to purchase a Pepperidge Farm Frozen Cake (theory: Free calories! sort of a sick pre-emptive bulimic type thing), and then got home with the cake, tried to eat it but was too nauseous and could only stare, puked repeatedly, and then my friend J had to put me in pajamas and put the uneaten cake away for me in the kitchen. Oh, sophomore year of college.
Asked Sociopath "If we'd be together in twenty years," or something. He only told me this like a month ago, with reference to a time I was blacked out back in March. He also refused to provide further details of what the hell else happened that night. I don't think I want to know anyway, it can't be good
Hugged complete strangers as if we were BEST friends-- There is extensive photographic evidence of this, documented by the well-worth-the-money Joonbug photographer
Hooked up with Ratgirl's (Girl we once went to Cafeteria with over the summer circa summer 2003) boyfriend-who-I-had-a-weird-thing-going-on-with, allegedly, possibly, the night after college graduation... I don't remember this at all but HE claims it happened and recounted the details to me in a very proud and glorious way and apparently he loved it. Also apparently someone sort of saw something and I received livid phone calls from Ratgirl and had to just tell the truthful fact that I did NOT remember anything from that night and she'd have to take it up with the Boyfriend. This only cracks me up and doesn't seem evil because 1) its true and 2) she has been so evil to me and other of my friends (REMEMBER the ambush she pulled on me with "Are you a square?" hookah pipe boy the weekend after you visited me Junior year?)
Broken my camera. A few times. Also bawled other people out and accusing them of breaking my camera.
Made out with a VARIETY of strangers at Marquee on my 21st birthday, which I wouldn't even believe had Tarabeet not so extensively photodocumented the affairs.
Demanded to sleep at my friend H's house and insisted that I be allowed to wear her pink flannel snowflake pajamas, after which time I developed a bizarre fixation that lasted the remainder of my junior year of college, in which I would get drunk and beg to wear the pink flannel snowflake pajamas... At some point I held them hostage in my room, and I have a very fond memory of leaning over the toilet bowl puking my guts out one morning, with the soft flannel comforting me.
Bawled out Roommate that she had to come drink with me at Quigley's (very sleazy bar analogous to Bloody Mary's, where patrons lack teeth, on 1st Avenue) and threw a fit when she didn't want to. She talks about this all the time, I do NOT remember it and I have no clue why I was so desperate to go there.

Frighteningly, what sorts of other things must I also not remember and just plain not KNOW about?

Sunday Night Dinner

2006-11-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

Sunday Night Dinner with The Girls:

K: So, if you had to marry one person who you know right now, who would it be?
Roommate: D, obviously
CB: Sociopath, obviously
K: Hmmm... I think I'd marry S!
Roommate & CB: Really?
K: Yeah, he's really fun
Roommate: Well, we could have the wedding at Cain, with the African drummers
CB: With Kristal toasts on the hour! But no AJ
Roommate: I think I'd have to drug and kidnap D and drag him to the altar though
K: Okay, if you had to get pregnant by someone you know right now, who would it be?
Roommate: D. My answer won't change
CB: Sociopath. Obviously.
K: See, I think I'd choose T
Roommate: T? Really?! Why?!
K: Well I think he'd marry me and maybe even be a little happy about it
CB: Yes he'd DEFINITELY marry you
K: Do you think D and Sociopath would marry you if you got pregnant?
Roommate: Uh, NO! D would hustle me to the abortion clinic quicker than anything
CB: Yeah, me too, no way... But I think if I had the baby against his wishes he'd probably send money and probably even want to see the kid
Roommate: Well he'd have to send money, as long as you establish paternity he's legally obligated
K: Really? That's interesting, that's fantastic
Roommate: Right, if I didn't have a job I'd be working hard to get knocked up with my Meal Ticket Child
CB: You know... That wouldn't even be hard to do, really. If we were broke, and didn't have good jobs lined up...
Roommate: Right, well if I hadn't gotten a job I vowed to be pregnant upon law school graduation
K: I bet T would make me move to the suburbs, though
Roommate: Absolutely, he'd have you out of the city in two seconds flat
K: Yeah, that would sort of suck...
CB: Because THAT's what's wrong with this entire scenario
Roommate: At K's wedding to T, can I walk down the aisle with RWHMWINM?
CB: No! I want to walk down the aisle with him!!!
K: You'll be walking down the aisle with Sociopath
CB: Fine, okay.. But if you marry S can I walk down the aisle with one of the Pats?
Roommate: If K marries S I want to walk down the aisle with someone I HAVEN'T made out with
CB: Really? You don't want the other Pat?
Roommate: Nope
K: CB, you can walk down the aisle with both the Pats, one on each side
CB: Ooh, really?! Your wedding sounds fantastic, I can't wait

-We are insane-

friday PM phone call from TB

2006-11-13T01:13:00.000-05:00

Friday, a bit past midnight, my phone rings, and it's TB
I answer the phone and, clearly drunk, she asks
"Hiiiii! So, who have I slept with? I can't remember!"
I heart this convo

heir to the ch!pwich fortune

2006-11-12T09:41:00.000-05:00

at an apartment party last night (held for no occasion, not even a birthday, just a standard no-reason apartment party), a tall man swaggered into the room, attractive and confident albeit out of place in his ostrich skin boots and slicked back hair.
he proffered a box to the party hosts, very polite of him to bring a gift, and my friends and i looked on as he bestowed his present. opening the box revealed a spectacularly fun ceramic COOKIE JAR in the form of two stacked CH!PWICHES, branded with the Ch!pwich logo, and inside the cookie jar was packed with Ch!pwich brand delights!
My first thought, as a major Ch!pwich aficionado, was that it was the best gift I had ever seen and I absolutely wanted one for myself. My second thought was how incredibly fucking weird it was for this guy to a) bring a non-alcoholic gift to said party, and b) bring a COOKIE JAR.
My bewilderment was quashed as some of the other party-goers began whispering about how his dad had invented the Ch!pwich.
My heart leaped. I was meeting the heir to the Ch!pwich fortune! Practically my idol! (My love of Ch!pwiches dates back to 1988 at the latest. They are quite simply my favorite frozen treat, bringing with them memories of summer and the pool.)
Starstruck, when introduced to Ch!pwich Boy I practically struggled to stammer hello, but luckily many drinks later I was able to discuss with him my devotion and love to the product. (I clearly came off as certifiably insane, but this is nothing new.) As I was leaving, I ran up to the roofdeck to say goodbye and slurred to him that I wouldn't leave the party without saying goodbye and finding out where I could purchase my very own Ch!pwich Cookie Jar.
Ch!pwich Boy informed me that they were not for sale, but that he had a warehouse of them, and that if I emailed him during the week he would send me one as a gift. Floored by Ch!pwich Boy's generosity, I enthusiastically accepted his offer.
And i DO intend to e-mail him for my Ch!pwich Cookie Jar!
[[redacted as ch!pwich because i discovered that, when you googled the delicious snack, this blog post was coming up as a hit! and i felt like we'd be discovered and outed, if by no one than at least by ch!pwich boy or a family member of his who happened to stumble upon this anecdote whilst googling the family brand.]]

i enjoy amusing miscommunications

2006-11-11T20:39:00.000-05:00

Last night, K received a text message from this guy (friend of Sociopath) who is always harassing her to hang out and trying to hook up with her.
Relaying his text messages to Roommate and me, she disgustedly shared, "He texted me like in french and spanish or something asking me to come over to his apartment!" We expressed our mutual disgust at his audacity.
Somehow, though, in the taxi, K wound up taking out her phone and showing us his text. It said "Como estas?"
"Can you believe he asked me to come over?!" she said, shaking her head.
Roommate and I burst out laughing. "'Como estas' means 'What's up?', not 'Come over'!" we explained.
"Ohhhhhhhhh,"K said. "I got confused..."

Lucky Post #500

2006-11-11T20:38:00.000-05:00

We are SUCH prolific bloggers!!! Happy 500!!!

getting lucky

2006-11-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

(Do not be misled by the title of my post, I am still the 9-month virgin.)

Mom & I had plans to attend the Lucky Shops Event (see link), but I was v negative about it because we weren't able to go until 2pm on the THIRD day of the event so I was convinced it would be totally picked over.

BUT I ended up going anyway because a) she dragged me and b) I've been to a wedding there (Gotham Hall) and wanted to see how they changed the space for this. (Architect influence, perhaps?)

Anyway, the highlights included:
1. Theory trousers for $50 a pair! (I bought 4, but to be fair, I wear them almost every day and the FOUR pairs still ended up being LESS than the cost of 1 pair at full price.)
2. Theory knee-high rich mahogany colored boots, $140 (down from $500something.)
3. Earnest Sewn skinny jeans, $80.
4. Gold bamboo-looking bangle, 35.
5. Gold & silver necklace with gold locket, thereby enabling me to mix gold and silver. Seriously I cannot resist articles of jewelry that allow wrong to be right. The necklace is a cool mix of punk & Victorian.
6. V cool blousy patterned shirt by Twinkle, worn out last night, v Marc Jacobs looking.
7. The largest convening of attractive and gorgeous women that I have ever witnessed in NY. Seriously, everyone was just lovely-looking.
8. Free cocktails.

Would totally recommend attending next year. It's a smaller scale (way smaller) Super Saturday, with discounted designer goods & a % of the profits going to charity (in this case, Baby Buggy, started by Jessica Seinfeld). Ticket prices here are only $50 for the general ad., no fabulous food or snacks or decorate your own cupcakes like at S.S., but there were still cocktails. Speaking of cocktails, sampled the Absolut Pear which was absolutely vile and I unequivocally do NOT endorse.

a blind date, followed by another romp with the sociopath

2006-11-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

So, Blind Date was perfectly lovely-- He chose a very nice place, a spanish tapas restaurant and wine bar, and we drank wine and sangria and shared small plates, and he possessed a charming knowledge of spanish food and taught me all about chorizo (loved it!) and other things i'd never had before that i don't remember the name of. He enjoyed talking about my three favorite things to discuss, television, traveling and food, and he was altogether very pleasant, but all I could think about was how I could never have sex with him (just was not attracted to him despite him being reasonably good looking.) Regardless, I spent almost four hours with him, and I had a lot of fun.
Then, I parted ways with Blind Date and wound up making plans with S. (Please refer to posts from February/March from the blog archives, since there has apparently been ZERO movement in the company I keep in the past 9 months and my friends and I are still running around with the exact same boys.) Posed for our S'aissance, Roommate, K and I went to meet him and his Self Centered Friend (SCF) at a bar in the West Village.
At some point K may have texted the Sociopath or some of his friends (i SWEAR i was not involved) and next thing I knew Sociopath and friends were arriving at the bar. (he came to ME, i can't be faulted for that!) Of course, inevitably, great times ensued, because i ALWAYS have a great time with Sociopath and he's tons of fun, and his friends are very fun. i should add that Sociopath arrived sober and remained sober, and that I was rapidly sobering up. No amount of sobriety, of course, could deter me from my adoration of his sociopathic ways.
Inevitably, after a great time at the bar (and after his two friends had paired off with my two friends), we left together, this time to his place, which i was fine with because (1) he came to my place the last two times in a row and (2) my room is exceptionally dirty and (3) hot because we can't control our heat and, despite it being november, it is approximately 70 degrees outside, and yet the standard november indoor heating is still running, meaning it is like 200 degrees in my apartment.
We get to his apartment and the doorman doesn't even REMEMBER me that's how long it's been since I was last there (it was the doorman who i bawled out for cheating on his wife), and I tried to meet Sociopath's Roommate Who Hates Me But I've Never Met (RWHMBINM), but sadly he wasn't there (Isn't it so cute how my roommate hates Sociopath and Sociopath's roommate hates me? They're practically literary foils.) I also told Sociopath that he was "Getting fat" in the elevator, which is NOT even true, but it amused me to say it because I was in a weird mood and it is really something the Company Bitch would say, and in life I strive to master her abilities to communicate with crazy somewhat sociopathic men, because she really took a random hot guy she was having sex with, who cheated on her with his asian neighbor, to being her loving, doting and wonderful re-boyfriend. So she's my role model. ANYWAY.
In his bedroom, I firmly informed Sociopath that the sex was "not that good" last time (about a month ago) and that, if it wasn't good this time, we were never doing it again. He may have taken this as some sort of challenge, because next thing I knew we were having a fabulous mindblowing sex marathon set to rival our own records (and our record is impressive) that managed to include lots of hot throw-down and yet also be tender and gentle and loving... literally to the extent that a few hours into having sex i found myself VERY convinced that we were, indeed, in love, and that there was no way he could possibly touch me so lovingly if he too did not love me... and then (in a fit of what must be delusion and insanity, but this is the god honest truth so i'm throwing it out there) i had to literally fight back the urge to say "i love you" as i was climaxing because i was so utterly convinced it was love.** i know, this is insane, but i swear its true.
So anyway, Sociopath and I had fantastic sex for 9 hours or so, we discussed how it indeed WAS fantastic and amazing this time and was absolutely worth doing in the future, and then we snuggled and canoodled and spooned and he rubbed my back and I sighed with how deeply in love I am, and then I reluctantly got dressed to go home and we said goodbye, and I was in a fit of bliss and joy over all the great sex and imagined love and whatnot, but I of course as I am writing this DO understand that we are NOT in love, and he does not love me, and he's a complete sociopath (thus the moniker) and that his loving caresses did not mean love, and that he is going to wind up making me feel terribly horribly completely bad about myself at some point in the (probably near) future.
BUT, you know, I love him. Can't be helped. We've already talked since twice since I left his apartment, I can't get enough of him. I am insane.

**Roommate read a study that shows that when women have sex, synpases in their brain cause them to be attached to their sexual partners, and when women orgasm signals are sent to their brain telling them that they are in love. This must be 100% true because it is the only thing that can account for my sober conviction about the true love I was experiencing last night. Of course the study also confirms that men have NO such triggers in their brains whatsoever and no attachment or love whatsoever results from the act of sex.

i hate life

2006-11-10T08:10:00.000-05:00

somehow my night ended with Tall A calling me and asking if i got home ok and me saying i was going to ZIP BURGER and him MEETING me and me proceeding to EAT AN ENTIRE BACON CHEESEBURGER AND FRENCH FRIES and now i AM enormous.

the end.

nustas day 4

2006-11-08T20:45:00.001-05:00

i skipped the gym today. very very bad. but i promise to do a double workout tomorrow (before we rendezvous!).

gingerbread-flavored coffee.
3 glasses of water.
french roast coffee.

4 faux sausage links- 180.
1 package of shirataki fettucini noodles- 40.
1/2 cup vegetable broth- 10.
2 pieces of sugar free bubble gum- 20.
lean cuisine ravioli- 240.
2 graham crackers with 2 tbsp of cool whip- 110 + 25 = 135

grand total = 625

now i'm SO prepared for when the genie comes

2006-11-08T17:11:00.000-05:00

So, I’ll be completely honest, I have longstanding daydreams where some magical genie comes down and grants me three wishes and I think long and hard about what I’m going to wish for, and I’ve discussed this unlikely scenario in great depth with my friend H (who is now out in LA.) Somehow today, the genie came up today at lunch with my roommate in the context of my musing about how there was nothing I wished for more than to be home tonight to watch my favorite TV shows (as opposed to stuck at school for a symposium for my journal.)

Roommate: “THAT’s your one wish in the world? I’d wish for a billion dollars”

Me: “Why settle for just a billion? Wish for unlimited money”

Roommate: “I didn’t want to be too unrealistic. What would you wish for?”

Me: “Unlimited wishes”

Roommate: “That’s a cop out, you can’t wish for unlimited wishes.”

So, here is what I have narrowed down, in terms of wishes, for when the Genie comes and grants me 100 wishes, here we have my list of 100 Wishes from the Genie:

1) I want to have my perfect ideal body, and I want to be allowed to eat WHATEVER I want, whenever I want, however much of it I want, and always retain said perfect body and have it as though I were eating a perfectly nutritionally balanced diet, meaning it will have no adverse affects on my health. I’d also like my binge eating abilities to never affect my fetus in future pregnancies, AND magically regain my perfect body upon birth of each child.

2) All of the Wahabi/other crazy fundamentalists will all of a sudden realize that violence is NOT the answer and embrace peace, leading to the spread of peace throughout the middle east and the world. In sudden recognition of the terrible things they once endorsed, all these fundamentalists will shower Jewish organizations and America with all sorts of charitable donations to make reparations.

3) Environment becomes very healthy and stable and the risk of the world ending due to global warming and exhaustion of energy and resources is magically fixed. Fabulous alternative energy resources emerge and are implemented at low cost, worldwide.

4) Poverty and unemployment suddenly are near-eliminated, as the economy soars.

5) Racism ends. No one is racist. All former racists realize the error of their ways. Lynx and Lamb Gaede write songs repenting their former white supremacist ways. Kanye West writes great new rap song about it.

6) After I wash my hair, I never have to blow dry or style it. Instead, it will naturally dry into non-frizzy perfection in the style of my choosing.

7) All body hair (other than on my head) disappears. I never have to shave/wax/etc again. I am SO low maintenance.

8) My teeth are gorgeous and sparkly white and perfect (not to mention of course I never, ever contract a cavity.)

9) I acquire newfound jaw definition. (In profile I am obsessed with the fact that I think I have no definition between my jaw and my neck and I think I need a chin implant or something, but if the genie comes he can just give me a stronger jaw line instead.)

10) Obviously I want unlimited WEALTH, but I’d like to acquire it through self made success, so that people admire how hardworking and talented I am and are impressed that I earned the money myself.

11) I’d like to encounter success with all endeavors I ever attempt (which will lead to the wealth described in Wish #10).

12) I’d like to have perfect health both for myself, for all my loved ones, and for all my loved one’s loved ones.

13) I’d like the power to have television shows that I like un-cancelled/keep them from being cancelled.

14) Lots of time to sit and watch tv

15) I’d like to be guaranteed multiple, fabulous orgasms every time I have sex

16) I’d like to have a perfect family in the future with a perfect husband who is completely my soul mate, with whom I have beautiful, healthy, intelligent and adorable children

17) I’d like to be assured that I will not die until I am super incredibly old, and while I’m at it, none of my loved ones can die before me and neither can their loved ones. This may result in a lot of REALLY OLD PEOPLE walking around, but I don’t like to deal with loss, and the genie can do anything.

18) I’d like to hang out w/ Holly, Kendra, Bridget, and Hef, and come to some of the fun parties at the Playboy mansion.

19) Cure Ebola (obviously, although for street cred it might be cool to contract ebola but then survive it and be able to say I’m an ebola survivor, assuming it won’t have any ill effects on my totally perfect health and isn’t too painful.)

20) Invent something good (like, so good its like sliced bread or thefacebook.com—will also potentially lead to the wealth described in #10, although if its like my cure for Ebola I’ll obviously license it at no cost and distribute it for free, because I’m charitable like that.)

21) This wish might be able to take place even if the genie never comes, and if I die abruptly I’d like this executed—I would like all of my scrapbooks to be color photocopied on square scrapbook-size paper and then spiral bound (someone can do this at Kinko’s) and distributed to all of my friends and family to admire the joys of my scrapbooks (and if this is executed after my death, to remember me by. It will bring me eternal happiness to have so many people with access to my scrapbooks).

22) Teleportation abilities

23) Time Travel abilities

24) To be as asleep or as awake as I want, whenever I want to be very sleepy or very awake and alert. This will eliminate both insomnia and unwanted exhaustion.

25) To be the temperature you want—never too hot or too cold

26) Not get wet when its raining outside

27) To make people I don’t like get fat no matter what they do

28) Effortlessness in all things (AKA not study but produce great work that gets A’s, etc.)

29) To be multi-talented in all ways, including being a great singer, pianist, dancer, artist, swimmer, and be able to run a marathon without being winded or bored (refer to Wish #45)

30) With respect to wish #1 where I become super tiny and slim, all of my clothes will automatically shrink to fit said body and also every outfit I ever try on will fit great

31) Power to wish others to be happy, or miserable, whatever

32) Elimination of all molestors and sociopaths (I don’t mean kill them, I just mean that those tendencies will cease to exist)

33) Always fresh breath, even first thing when you wake up in the morning or after eating lots of garlic

34) Know all gossip/inside info/confidential info, from celebrity gossip to CIA classified files like who killed JFK

35) Have time to read all good books I ever want to read/be super incredibly well read

36) Have perfect skin and never break out or be blotchy

37) Ability to fly

38) Everyone in the world realizes smoking cigarettes is disgusting and stops smoking and is horrified (yet the economy does not collapse)

39) Never accidentally eat spicy food

40) Never snore or sweat in sleep

41) Meet The Company Bitch and hang out with her

42) Hang out with Britney and Jennifer aniston

43) Time travel romance (go back in time per Wish #23 and have a romance in some exotic time period, or a few, whatever.)

44) Write fantastic book

45) Never be bored

46) The Sociopath: It is retarded I am wasting a wish on him, but I want him to be insanely desperately in love with me and for me not to really care, and perhaps sleep with him sometimes and really screw with his feelings (just like he does to me!) but be very unattached… He will love me forever and never meet another who matches my fabulousness and be destined to a life of solitude if he can’t be with me.

47) Adoration by pretty much everyone I would care to have adore me (but not everyone because this won’t be fun if I don’t have some enemies to make fat per Wish #27)

48) Know that I was really fantastically great in bed and very sexy

49) Know other languages

50) Understand finance

51) Know everything doctors know (aka make it as THOUGH I’d been to med school)

52) Cure cancer

53) End terrorism

54) Make it so that my hair can either be long or short or whatever length and texture I choose at any given time

55) Be able to also teleport with other people, so I can bring friends along when I decide on a whim to teleport to China, or the mall

56) Get my hands on a Nielsen box!!!

57) Return missing people, or have families with unsolved crimes or unsolved abductions know what actually happened

58) Go to moon

59) Discover new planets/re-promote Pluto back to being a planet

60) Bring back Paradise Hotel

61) Make real reality show of “tiny house”

62) Eat cupcakes and loaded baked potatoes daily

63) No war

64) No hate

65) No dry skin

66) No allergies

67) Make Harry Potter/Hogwarts/etc be real, except Voldemort is dead and Dumbledore is alive

68) Have virtual reality power to go into and hang out in worlds of TV shows

69) Always have Internet and cell service (even in subway), and always have access to a phone

70) New good music all the time, so I’m never bored of what’s on my IPOD (see also Wish #45)

71) Make gay marriage legal everywhere (and of course make everyone not be at all prejudiced against gay people or anyone else.)

72) No traffic (I can’t teleport ALL the time, no one can know about my superpowers, and besides, I like driving.)

73) Feet never hurt no matter what shoes you’re wearing

74) Find out exactly what happened to every thing I’ve ever lost, especially my BROWN BLAZER, the sticker book that was stolen from my backpack at summer camp when I was 6, and my miniature eraser collection that I kept in an empty plastic cool whip container

75) Remember dreams exactly and see them replayed like a movie

76) Have special virtual tracking time map to see whenever you meet someone or have met someone, any point in time your paths crossed in life prior to actually a meeting

77) Have an official log of statistics of everything about my entire life history—hours spent sleeping, hours spent reading, watching tv, number of cupcakes consumed, etc.

78) Have my brown blazer back

79) Have my second roll of film from summer camp 1998 that CVS lost and see all the pictures that would have been on it

80) Be able to see various random web sites I created in middle school that got lost somewhere and taken off the Internet, because I remember they were cute and I’m curious

81) Know what really happened to the Black Dahlia

82) Know what really happened to Jon Benet

83) Bring back Show Biz Moms and Kids, Medical Investigation, Reunion, Star Search, Kids Incorporated, etc.

84) Find DINO PEBBLES cereal which I have not seen since I was like 8 because it was a special edition variety. Bring it back into circulation.

85) Never have to pee when there’s no bathroom around. Also, never have a stomach ache.

86) Have perfect vision, no contacts

87) Not ever have varicose veins or wrinkles or other gross signs of aging etc.

88) In general not have that veiny spiderwoman look (see here)

89) Not have skin that heals oddly so that I can have pierced ears

90) Never have unpleasant smells come in contact w/ my nose

91) Alcohol pill to get drunk—no hangover, no puking, still black out but can remember if you really need to. Take one pill for one shot, works instantly, side-effect free.

92) Never get in trouble/arrested either by accident or even if you do something bad. This will also ensure never going to jail.

93) Pass Bar exam without having to study, but just automatically possess knowledge of all information

94) Know about lots of things, especially obscure things

95) No pests/mice/etc ever find their way inside anyplace I am living, sleeping or visiting, and when I am outdoors the bugs magically stay far away from my presence. I’d also like to never accidentally eat a bug.

96) I’d like to never, ever be tortured.

97) I know all the words to every song, ever

98) Power to make anyone fall in love with me or one of my friends

99) Have all my friends and family also become fabulously lucky and successful and charmed, and maybe see if the Genie can visit them as well

100) Have all of these fabulous abilities and blessings, while yet managing to never become truly famous (a little renown for curing ebola is inevitable, but only the scientific community will really remember who I am), so as to retain my privacy and ability to romp around doing whatever I feel like.

CB's nutsta's, vol 1

2006-11-08T09:08:00.000-05:00

yesterday's nutstas

brek:
one yoplait whips! yogurt (160)

lunch:
salad with romaine, chopped tomatoes, corn, chicken, shredded cheddar cheese, and low-fat honey-dijon dressing (NO concept-- 600? This is my absolute favorite salad and I generally eat some variety of it every day for lunch, substituting chicken for kidney beans when the mood strikes me. it frightens me because salads can be secretly hiding tons of calories, as i found out once years ago when i looked up the calorie contents of Cosi salads on their website. but honestly, if i can't have a salad with cheese and dressing on it, i don't want one at all.)

dinner:
One Dr Praeger's broccoli pancake (60)
One Dr Praeger's sweet potato pancake (50)

snack:
handful of candy corn (60?)

Lots of water, one diet soda

total: 930? but that is a wild estimation considering the calorie contents of my lunch salad elude me entirely and there might be 2,000 calories in that, it's a big wildcard.

to be continued

2006-11-08T08:29:00.000-05:00

1. going over to The Southerner's house for the first time as a pseudo-couple, and The Friend's reaction.
2. an analysis of workout clothing.
3. favorite new "diet friendly" foods.

running late to work, trying to fix a hangover without eating things that aren't good for me... 4 boca burger sausage links (180) for breakfast and gingerbread coffee from brueger's just aren't cutting it....

take it to the gym

2006-11-08T08:09:00.000-05:00

day three. could have been better, but i'm not giving up. i feel like i made good choices in the face of lots of temptation (i.e. brioche french toast and cheeseburgers were on the menu.) also i'm only partially counting liquid calories, thankyouverymuch.

run 30 mins.

breakfast with dad...
1 poached egg,
3 slices of bacon,
home fries (baked, though, i checked),
1/2 slice of whole wheat toast.
estimated = 500?

dinner with a friend...
tofu with steamed vegetables in a lime-based sauce,
estimated = 300?

5 cups of coffee.

2 cups of water.

7 glasses of wine.
= 800?

my favorite newly discovered television show

2006-11-07T20:11:00.000-05:00

i JUST discovered this show, entirely at random, and i can NOT get enough of it!!! it features hugh hefner and this three frighteningly young, peppy, and very-in-love girlfriends, who i find oddly endearing. i've only seen four episodes so far, so i have so much viewing pleasure in store ahead of me!!!

go brit, go brit!

2006-11-07T20:05:00.000-05:00

SO HAPPY BRIT IS FINALLY GIVING K-FED THE BOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!